And A Happy New Year!!

I want to read more about you and your family. Please write more.”

These were the most common words I got when someone who read my blog and emailed me in the past year, and yes… I admit that my troubles with some of my relatives is the perfect tool for dramas that are worth reading about.

But since this now infamous blog post, then I have partially been reluctant to write anything public about my nieces and nephews, and every time I think about something funny about them, that is related to my life, then I get nail biting nervous if I once again anger the Singaporean mob who only read into what they want to read into what I say, from their own narrow perspective.

If you get pissed about what I write, then get pissed at me, and don’t begin to attack my nieces and nephews as they don’t understand anything, and will have a difficult time to defend themselves against a priggish group of adults.

My brother also stepped in and in a very physical way told my uncle and other relatives that if they were attacking me because of my sexuality, then he would be on them like an angry grizzly bear – literally! So even from that side, things have been “relatively” quiet.

When what initially sounded like a good idea turns bad.

When what initially sounded like a good idea turns bad.

Yea, yea. My aunt and uncle DID turn up to the last Pink Dot event in support of their son but at the same time still claimed that it were ME who influenced their son to come out and marry an aussie. Yep I officially got gay mind bending super powers.

He also “accidentally” included me when he mass mailed everyone where he asked to sign the petition against¬† Adam Lamberts performance as well.

World peace must be build on patience…. and lots of headshaking and eye rolling.

Every day I wonder if a judge really can be allowed to be this biased against a specific group of Singaporeans?? But I guess that this is still the norm in today’s Singapore and will be so for the next years, until a new and more accepting generation can take over and shape the country into what it really needs to be. A country for everyone and not just for an self righteous greedy elite.

Yes, don’t expect that Singapore will be the first Asian country to allow same-sex marriage. But I would love it to be the second.

Thank you very much.

 

In the next year I promise to be a bigger and better person, and will post weekly every Wednesday.

Or I will try, okay!

52 blog posts (yes,  Google told me there are 52 wednesdays in 2016) should be possible for me and I will try to include more dramas. I guess not all will be exciting but compared to the last year I will try to post them in a regular fashion.

I am still considering if I should make this into a video blog (I were asked about it a few times). But I like the written word and think that words are cozy.

Besides I began to write this blog because I personally and very physically needed it and not because I needed your attention.

I had some things that I needed to painfully write out of my body because, keeping them inside myself were slowly killing me. So no I didn’t write it for you to read them but because I need to get rid of them and the only way I knew how to do that were to write my thoughts and frustrations out.

Yes, that also meant that some of my posts were written and posted in heaps of tears.

I am still hoping that enough Singaporean same-sex female couples will come forward as I still would like to make a documentary about Singaporean female same sex families, how it is to live in Singapore, and how to cope with dreams and hopes for the future. Unfortunately the last time I tried, then it were primarily expat couples who were okay with it, and I felt that that would send the wrong message in a way.

I wonder if 2016 is the year where a lesbian web series will be made in Singapore? I mean, could we just for once be one step ahead of the boys?

Take a look at “Starting From… Now!” Why haven’t anyone made the Singaporean version of it yet??!¬† And… honestly all it takes is a good story and the good and happy stories do live in Singapore too. Any of these webseries could have been made in Singapore. Actually… Every series on Tello Films could have been made in Singapore – and done better!

 

Wish you all a Happy New Year (even if you don’t “agree” with my sexuality), and hope your dreams will come true in the year to come.

Hugs to you all!

 

 

A lesbian is reading lesbian books and talks to a lesbian author (sort of)

My lesbian reading list is (for the most of the time) quite transparent. I tend to read lesbian romance that sometimes is mixed with some well written (please!!) erotica or steamy scenes, but most of the time it follows the typical story about the young, unreachable and stunning medical doctor who just started on her fellowship and then meet the crewcut but equally stunning and sassy, but know it all nurse, who is more than happy to show her the ropes, so to speak.

Cue rainbows and “omg is this really what I am” emotional drama.

Sometimes I mix it up with a detective who is forced to work with the new and very likeable and stunning woman who just joined the team. She don’t like her at all and the new PD-P-something finds her senior partner disturbing to work with until sparks fly. Cue more rainbows mixed with a few unicorns as well, and some overweight unlikeable sexist male partners.

It is a lesbian romantic book, so yes, men are generally often – or at least 30-55% of them are portrayed as scum or just very unlikeable with some unpleasant tics, sticky hands and/or body odor.

So ya I am reading a lot of lesbian romance. Sorry just can’t help it and love every moment of them, even when I am told that the thing that I am reading is utter emotional rubbish and that I should be reading some more in the serious genre. You know serious books like when Lee Kuan Yew and Kim Jung Il went bare-chested out to wrestle North Korean unicorns with Putin, while they exchanged tips on how to prosecute opposition leaders or irritating bloggers in their own countries, and other similar polished ghostwritten political memoirs.

Oh no! I just dared to use Lee Kuan Yew as a sarcastic plot tool, so I guess that Lee Hsien Loong just about now is practicing on sounding like Jeffrey Goines while he is standing in front of the bathroom mirror quoting “My father’s gonna be really upset, and when my father gets upset, the ground SHAKES! My father is God! I worship my father!” over and over again until he gets the tone and pitch right, but still fails in sounding right anyway.

Yes it is true, the Singaporean PM really needs some self irony in his life.

A video blogger and blogger got sued and one (until now) jailed as well for publicly saying that they didn’t like him or the politics made by his party. So yes, blogging and writing about Singaporean politicians with the “right” surname can be risky to do.
(Made a correction on the above part. Used to say “Both a video blogger and blogger have been sued and jailed”)

I do read more serious books as well, but honestly I really love these emotional dramas – it’s similar to my most re-watched TV-series Grey’s Anatomy. Emotional drama all over, that have no relations to reality. I know it is fake and unrealistic, but can’t get enough of the drama, and always end up crying over the same things that I already know will come.

Amazing Suzie “sexy hair” Carr began to follow me on Twitter too – if you don’t know who that is (then you should be spanked), but she is the author of Tangerine Twist, The Muse and many other books that usually ends up on the top seller list on Amazon in the lesbian romance section.

You can find her books on Amazon or read about her on her personal blog.

So I followed her back when I realized that someone famous (she is to me) followed me and in a hurry re-read one of her books that I had on my Kindle. Just to be ready if she wanted to quiz me in what I remembered about her writings and books. ;)

We have for the last days been communicating back and forth through twitter, and that is amazing. You know, writing and actually getting a reply from someone who have written several books that touched you emotionally in some way is greater than I actually expected it to be.

Usually I find authors to be rather unapproachable in general so getting a reply was a plus that made me order more books from her.

No it’s not that I am all rainbows about her but she sounds like an amazing and nice person.

Anyway, she asked if I were a writer (of books), and I reluctantly admitted that I have a few failed / chronically delayed attempts behind me, so she gave me quite a few hints to how I could improve my book writing, and I started to feel to itch to continue writing that lesbian romance, with a Singaporean subplot, that I have been dying to write.

Singapore simply NEEDS more lesbian romantic books!

Period!

Absolutely!

I feel that writing an article and writing a whole book is two different things that need different techniques to succeed. Yes, Yes I know they are both about writing and capturing the audience, but I still feel that you need to approach them differently. So while I find it very easy to write an 2,000 article in no time, then I find it incredible difficult to manage my time properly so I can complete that book that I want to do.

Suzie Carr also made several YouTube videos that is worth seeing if you are working on a book and is stuck or just need some guidance.

Her website is also full of several interesting hints and pointers on how you can succeed on not only writing your first (or next) book, but also gives you hints about all the nitty gritty things that are good to do before you start and what to do after you are done writing and is looking to get it published or how to market your self-published book.

See for yourself.

 

 

A lesbian author from Singapore and my own private writing Hell

I am used to write, I can write 2 -4 half decent articles a day if I had the material ready. But writing a book. A WHOLE BOOK is a something that I feel that borders on self suffering and painstaking torture.

At the moment I have two not even half done books, 1 fiction and 1 nonfiction in my drawer (aka Dropbox) waiting for me to complete them and I have no idea on when and how I will be able to complete them on this side of life. It’s not really that I lack the dedication or focus to do it. But the volume of writing on one subject, where I constantly have to go back and edit what I have previously written, compared to what I just wrote, so the book is consistent and add up, that is nothing like writing a short 3,000 words or less article about a single subject.

Initially I wanted – inspired by Karen Lee’s “No More Daddys Little Girl“, write my own story. My whole and unbiased story about my whole life from birth, to coming out, my constant fights with mom over my sexuality, to my time in San Francisco, the sexually healthy and self-destructive “slutty” escapades in San Francisco and Los Angeles, my return to Singapore, to my time in Japan in the days after the Tsunami, my breakdown in a Hotel after I had witnessed the total destruction of places I knew and where I spend 10 days in the most devastated areas of Japan, and simply everything else up till today.

But writing your life story to people who don’t know you is just as much an exercise in WHAT NOT to include that it is to include, because a book, no matter how personal should keep the reader in and let them want to find out what happens next, and I find that very difficult to do when it is something as personal as a hm… personal story.

I mean should I write about my own rape where I woke up in a half-roofied daze only to realize that someone was holding me down, while someone else was on top of me and what they did to me when I tried to fight back with everything that I could?

If I wrote about that, then I would have to write about my self-hatred, my humiliation to witness that the rapists was allowed to walk away from what they did to me. My parents reactions – my dad’s raw hatred towards them, my mom’s detached “You are my daughter and is strong enough to get over it” speech and how I felt when she first looked at me with distaste in her eyes and face in the hospital. I would have to talk about my shame… But I would have to relive that part of my life in more details that I ever want to again.

I also know and is aware of that if I wrote about that, then everything I wrote about my sexuality would be tied to that day, that dark place in me that will not let me go, because too many hetero’s think and believe that homosexuality is an escape from some kind of sexual abuse in a person’s past.

Something that is so far from the truth. Because at that time I was already more attracted to women than I was to men.

So, no, there is a lot not to include and the choice to exclude parts of your life, is harder than what to include in the book. Or for me that is.

Karen did not leave anything out and you get every little dirty secret served, so the reaction from the Singaporean lesbian community of sisterhood almost all agreed to hate her and her book when it came out. Because how dared she put them all in the same box as her? No More Daddys Little Girl was the first and until now the only book by an Singaporean lesbian woman, so the community thought and felt that it would and should be something that they could reflect themselves in, but nothing could be further from the truth. That book was about Karen and no one else.

No More Daddys Little Girl is not an easy read. Not because it is not interesting what she wrote, because I feel that it is, but if I have to be a nasty hag, then I believe that if it got a rewrite and a change in style and pace, then it could turn out to be a very decent book that more people should read – I would go so far as to say that some parts of the book should be mandatory reading in schools in Singapore. Not only because it IS the first book by a Singaporean lesbian author and deserved a better fate than what it got up until today, but that she had something to say that not many Singaporeans dare to put words on.

I have been communicating briefly with Karen about her book after I read it (and became a little Twitter and Facebook stalker too), and learned that she have been looking for a ghost writer for a second novel, also some kind of a biography if I remember it right. Unfortunately I believe that she has put her own writing on hold, and is now focusing on her career in the IT sector where she is very successful in getting people to buy her company’s services and solutions, so maybe she will not publish a second book after all.

So what is happening in my own private writing Hell? Well, I think I will skip my biography and make a semi biography where I can focus on the cultural shock that I got when I returned to Singapore after my education and work. After rooming with a group of hard core slutty party lesbians in San Francisco, it was an out of body experience to return home where it was expected that I moved back home to my parents – and did for a while. Oh the drama! (“What is this!!!” she screamed after going through my luggage, “It’s called a dildo mom, you should try one, one day” I sighed.) By only focusing on a very small part of my life, then I feel that I can take some (very) creative liberties and make it lighter, funnier and even sexier than it really was, but at the same time write about something that many, both straight and gay go through when they return to Singapore after they have been exposed to the depravity of the socalled western world :)