Not working today, so thought that I would out my queer fridge to the world for once.

Took Monday and Tuesday of after this weekend and let me just say that I still feel the effects from whatever that I got Saturday – and I guess that say a lot about my ability to handle various types of alcohol.

Anyway let me introduce something dear to me.

My fridge!

Yes, I really don’t know what I should be doing without her.

Shop more often I guess??

 

 

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Beetroot,Red Cherry Paprica w cheese, Ginger root, Lime, 2 x Cheese and Toblerone!!

 

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Homemade strawberry / rhubarb jam (curtsey my sister and sister in law), Chicken that should have been used Yesterday!!, more jam (not homemade), 2 x Swedish mustard that I for some reason bought in Sweden, and still don’t know why I wanted to buy them and then bring them all the way back with me. Milk in a milk jug and mayo (I think).

Oh yes, lower left corner: White wine from Chile and two bottles of water.

 

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Plums (of some sort), cooking butter, Olives!!!!. Amazingly enough I got half of a small glass left? Potatoes that need to be eaten asap. Salad (in the large box below the potatoes). Two boxes with unknown content??

 

(Going to look)

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Turned out that I actually knew what were in the them.

Homemade by my own hands, garlic (judging by the smell; lots and lots of garlic) and dill dressing for the salad.

Watermelon and cheese salad, leftovers – with mint leaves I believe. Home created as well. (by me and me alone!!)

 

What I didn’t show

Top drawer: Assorted beer cans that is about to go over date, 7 types of different juices all within an acceptable date range, Apple cider that taste of butt crack, Sundried tomatoes (in a glass), Roasted red peppers also in a glass and what was long time ago supposed to be hummus.

Lower drawer (aka veggie drawer): Tomatoes (lots and too many to count), cucumber (yes, yes every lesbian need one of those – or at least to some male fantasies), red and green pepper, lemon grass, red and white(?) onions, what was once salad leaves. Old (very, very old) asparagus, ican billis – not sure why they are in that drawer?? What I am quite certain is Water spinach. Xiang Mai Chye and Pak Choi that both have seen better days.

Fridge door: Too much to mention.

 

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Could a local Lesbian Magazine work in Singapore?

Would you like your own Magazine? A Magazine that only focus on you and represent your sexuality and gay life in Singapore and South Asia?

I have for quite a while wondered if that would be a way to get back home to Singapore on.

I’m not going to work for a Singaporean publisher or media house EVER AGAIN and I am at the point where I am hmm, not tired of my current situation, but at least open for a change.

The thought have been bouncing around in my head, and I have made contact to people who already have published work in Curve Magazine (US), Diva Magazine (UK) and LOTL (AU) just to get their input. It’s been a good 50/50 if I should do it and if it could work financially and editorially.

I have been talking to magazine designers, designers who already have an interesting record both in the printed and digital world, who have given me some interesting and challenging feedback – especially in the subject of hidden costs in running a magazine.

With regards to content, then I wouldn’t have any troubles in finding people to supply me interesting material and articles from outside Singapore, and to a certain degree by freelance as well as getting staff writers in Singapore. But getting good work from within Singapore with regards to the scene could on the long run provide a challenge, when thinking of continued delivery of new and original content. I was advised to maybe one with a broader reach, such as including South Asia as a whole instead – meaning focusing on Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines, Vietnam and Thailand as well as producing it strictly as a digital subscription instead of a Printed, or a Printed + Digital. Then it might work out where it could be profitable within a few years.

The scary part in that line is “within a few years”.

But the question is, would you dare to have it in your room if I made a printed magazine and if you are staying at home, like a lot of single lesbian Singaporeans do? Would you, (miss maybe in the closet,) dare to buy it at a magazine stand? Or should it strictly be something that you could have on your beloved tablet and computer?

Would MDA object to it? Would the conservative Singapore freak out?

Continued here

Something about personal choice …

Ugh. I want to touch on something controversial – namely the extent to which if it is a personal choice to be gay.

It can be difficult to explain to those of my lesbian friends and especially my amazing and beloved who in a period of her life wished to fit in (the famous young teenage years), and where they wished they had been ordinary heterosexual adolescents.

I had my first lesbian experience after a failed heterosexual relationship and countless trivial straight one nighters, thought it was time to try something new and daring. I was in my 20’s, if I remember it correctly, and was roaming the roads with my favorite gay, let’s call him M., where I uttered the oh so memorable words, “Tonight I’ll score a girl.”

I am privileged because I had a set of friends who are almost the exact opposite of conservative. I remember that my best friend at that time asked me – in the middle of one of my inconsolable weeping sessions at the age of 16 and (almost) never been kissed – that maybe I might just be lesbian?

At the time I laughed about it, mockingly, because how could my best friend, my soul mate and daughter of a well known pastor believe that about me! I can’t be a Lesbian?? “I’m going to be a Doctor, so I can’t be a lesbian” was my reason. My mom decided or wanted, that I should become a Doctor like her and at 16 I was not going to cross my mom on something this important, so it would take me a few more years to finally cross my mom on what I should be studying. But since that day I have been thinking how spacious it actually was of her, my best friend at the time. She only wanted to signal that it would be okay if I was gay, and there would be room in her for me no matter what I turned out to like.

Well. But back to the street, that autumn night . With numerous gay friends it was obvious to also explore that side of me and it didn’t seem to be that kind of a strange thing to try out. So then when I met one of M.’s peripheral acquaintances, a woman who oddly enough was in town on exactly the same mission. She was nice and sweet – albeit young, 18 years old and thighs thin as chopsticks, so it did not last long before there were both kisses and fumbling from both of us. I went home alone that night, but still remember the feelings in my body when I woke up in the morning where I was one big :

“Why did I not think of that before? ”

It felt so right. As if I had finally allowed myself to follow my desires. From there it did not take long before I had created a profile on “OHLALALALAH”.com, and went out on a few dates, some more successful than others .

I remember my first trip to Carrefour after that amazing evening. Thinking “Omg!? Am I standing closer to this hottie than I would have before last night”, “I am staring at her body. Quickly look away!!” and “Did I really stare openly at…”. ¬†I was simply on a rainbow colored cloud packed with unicorns and didn’t know how to get off.

For me it was very much a choice to be gay. This led to a lot of uncertainty in the beginning – because the choice was heavy on my shoulders and not something that I could share with my parents or siblings. But after going through a few years of steady relationships with a gorgeous woman, then nothing could be farther away from my mind than to be with a man and even when I am single, I have no remote desire to have sex with a man. None at all, really.

Even though it initially was a choice , the excitement it aroused in me to touch my (new) girlfriend’s body, can in no way be described as a choice. It is a primal desire that I have never experienced with a man.

So was it a choice or not? Well, there will probably be more posts about this topic in the future.