On going home

I haven’t been home in ages and finally it is time to go home.

You know, it is funny. I haven’t been home for quite a while, but no matter how long I stay away from Singapore, then I always think about it as home and that I am a “guest” anywhere else. Something that is kind a nuts since I am spending more time away than home at the moment.

I love my very neglected apartment with all the semi dead plants. My couch! Kitchen and my bed!! I don’t really know what it is about my bedroom, but if it were up to me, then I could spend a day in the bed just making “snow angels” if that is generally accepted to do in your own bed?

But I don’t know. There is just something about my bedroom that screams “security” and “cozy” to me. So ya. I could easily spend a day in it with a book, the largest bowl (a cup would not be acceptable) of tea and plenty of biscuits and cupcakes.

Then I would probably freak out and go run for several hours and exercise like crazy to get rid of all the calories that I gained there.

I spend yesterday closing down the apartment here, going over to my sister with the content of my fridge and some of what needed to be consumed from the freezer. Yes, the durian ice cream lasted something in the area of 4½ minute before the little monsters screamed “charge!!” with spoons in their hands and jumped it like they haven’t had food – or ice cream – in ages. But I guess for children who haven’t had ice cream in the last 24-48 hours, then I guess that actually counts as “ages”. Right?

I got a call from SPH with another job offer to come back and work for them. Their fifth offer this year, and my fifth rejection as well. Think that also counted as the 18th offer to return home and work for a company in Singapore. Some parts of me would love to return home, but I also know that with the media laws we have then I would die a slow and agonizing death.

Besides I don’t really think that any of the employers know what it would mean to employ someone who would screamingly refuse to be dragged back into the closet, just so they on paper could comply with some crazy ass laws.

But I would actually love to disrupt the Singapore media scene and go do all the human interest stories that never get to see the light of day there, just because they didn’t vote for the right party, or is not part of the million dollar club that everyone seems to be amazed about. The sad thing is that interesting and fascinating people is not the ones who can show a facade of success or got tons of paper money locked away in a boring property or bank account and didn’t take the “right” education. No, the interesting people are the odd ones, the crazy ones who dares to think differently and dare to challenge the norms. All in all everything that the general public think is messy because they don’t comply with the Singaporean group thinking of what is “right”.

So nah, I will continue to yoyo between my two homes no matter how messy it makes me and my life.

I can’t help feeling the butterflies in my belly, after I shut down the electricity to the fridge, unplugged all the other electrical appliances in the bedroom and living room. Closed the blinds and made up the apartment, so it looked (semi) clean for when I would return again. But still seeing the apartment shut down like this makes me… You know kind of nervous and excited because I am finally going home again.

Gosh I hope there will be a hot and preferably lesbian flight attendant on my SIA flight that I can secretly swoon over.

Ice cream to everyone!

I gave ice cream to the department a few days ago.

Not that it was out of my good heart, but I lost a draw and then why not use all that pent up energy from the weekend to go down and buy the boys and the rest of the department ice cream?

I call them boys to tease the geeks, plus I got a feeling that they kind a like it, even when they strongly object to it. If it is socially okay for them to call women, girls, then why wouldn’t it be okay for me to call the guys for boys?!?

Earlier that day I had a chat with the HR manager director, well it is either of the titles, can’t remember right now. She asked how I were doing and if I needed any moral support after these days, and well, then just wanted to talk for a while to follow up on our last talks.

Aren’t she nice?

As a HR person she is quite cool by the way. She is not a power suit person, bicycle to work on a men’s bicycle because “the frame is stronger and faster, and I don’t do slow”. I don’t know if that is true but it sounded like it when she said that it was so.

You usually see her in a t-shirt and hoodie, stone washed jeans and crew cut hair.

So when I met her for the first time after my transfer to where I am now, my broken gaydar screamed “OH YES! LESBIAN COLLEAGUE. HOW COOL IS THAT” In your face fate, I thought.

I have never worked in an office with another out lesbian (who didn’t leave for another country the moment she came out), and I just feel that I am missing something in my professional life. It’s not that sexuality matters at work, but well, you know?… It could just be fun.

She got short well kept nails.

Women with long nails are just not bi or les. Or said in another way. Lesbians with long nails is a sure sign that they haven’t had sex in a very long time. At least not good sex.

Or is just a selfish pillow princess.

So avoid long nails! No good can come out of it.

Scissor hands are not getting near me at all.

And she got amaaazing.. Eh.. said in another way;

My grandmother once told me that if I kept my breasts as young as a 20 year old, then I could rule any man that I wanted.

That was long before I joined team L. by the way.

If my grandmother is right, then my colleague here must be fiercely ruling her husband.

Yes you read it right! She is straight and married to the manliest man that you can ever think about. I told myself that she must be overcompensating for something else.. Got 2.5 child and very settled in.

½ = poodle. Of all animals… a poodle! That is just so gay!

But I had somehow flatly ignored the pictures on her desk and ended up asking in my typical subtle way.

When I do subtle, I usually open out with asking if I haven’t seen her at the local lesbian club or bar, or whatever famous lesbian event that even straight people knows about, or if that was her girlfriend / wife I saw her with “the other day”. (There were no other day)

So very subtle.

My so-called gaydar radar is right about 60% of the times, other times I have to give in and admit that women just like to dress and act hipster gay.

If they say that they aren’t gay, then I will change subject and complain about that.

I mean if anything, I can at least leave them with a sense of fashion insecurity.

But we got around several subjects in out chat, until she ended up asking me if it were true that I called them “boys” and if I didn’t know that it could be seen as offensive to some?

I replied with that when I did call them “boys” it usually were after they had called us “girls”, or somehow shortly after, and that I by the way didn’t really see the difference and felt it just as offensive to be called “a girl” by a guy who are younger than me.

She understood the point, but didn’t know what to do about it.

What do you think? Is it okay for the guys / men to call us “girls”, but it is not okay for us to call them “boys”?

 

 

The diplomatic crisis of the Ice cream drama.

Had my sister in law – or my brothers ex, as a support while I was trying to juggle all the little monsters today. OMG. What a thrill.

I love them all, but having to handle all the children on a sugar rush and all at once – or trying to solve drama’s on who should have what ice cream and why one look better or more interesting than the others, even when they really are the same and how come one ice cream lasts longer than another one, might be too much for me to handle.

Super exhausted now, so wish I had someone to spoil me just this moment. Sigh!

Anyway we came around discussing this blog, posts that I haven’t posted yet, heterosexuality, homosexuality and if my sister in law might be bi instead of straight, coming out in Singapore compared to UK/Netherlands/US, lack of rights and why life felt more free in Europe compared to Singapore.

In short while handling diapers, diplomatic breakdowns in the ice cream crisis (yes I can now handle a UN negotiation and World Peace at the same time), what candy in different colored candy wrapper, that is the best even though it is the same, then I had a great and still got time for a very free and frank discussion with my sister in law and really enjoyed this day today. Especially now when it is over.

I am going to skip my run (I OCD on running), and is just going to wrap my face around a TV-show, enjoy a light dinner and a glass of wine from a 3 day old bottle while I wait for my cousin to show up. He is going to spend time here until Friday where he is moving over to his parents place for the weekend, before returning to Australia.

I really adore my sisters and brothers children and been wondering if I should get one ( or maybe even more), but after a day like this, then my uterus close down and tie temselves up for a while.