Since I have been bashing IKEA so much “lately”

So here is a video of a little light IKEA competition.

Who do you think will be the fastests to assemble IKEA furniture? Gays or Lesbians?

A little hint and a shameless self promotion. I would be able kick all of their behinds when it comes to competitions like this one. Besides, I also hate to lose so I would be obsessed with trying to win a competition similar to this one and would have no patience with anyone messing around with me – unless it ended in a makeout session of course.

 

On another note S… beat me in Wordfeud this evening, so not talking to her for a few minutes.

I did end up claiming a moral victory for these words, so I felt that I could call this game a draw and not a humiliating loss after all. (no the word to the left did not spell “clit”).

Wordfeud

 

 

Advertisements

Merry Christmas everyone

Merry Christmas everyone!

I am sorry but I am not so PC that I am going to call it “happy holidays”, or the even more unsexy “Season Greetings”…

“Season Greeting”!? WTF.

No I not am sorry to the guy whom I offended on the street by saying “Merry Christmas” to him, when I (or he) bumped into me and then felt offended that I said these unholy words – he then felt the need to yell back at me just to tell me that I should not force-feed my Christmas down his throat.

Someone got charcoal for Christmas I guess.

Anyway… a minor drama on my side as well, because two weeks ago I found out that the folder with all my half baked blog posts were gone, DELETED!! Missing. Major drama, and I panicked by looking everywhere for it, but it were gone to the eternal trashcan in cyber heaven.

Speaking about drama.

S…. finally got to me by insulting my breasts, and I immediately ended up feeling less confident about my body and began to overanalyze internally what she meant.

About two months ago I Googled “Spain”, “what can a lesbian do for fun in Barcelona” after I have been twitter stalking a German who is living there, and instead of asking her directly about what is so interesting about living in that place, then I asked the Google oracle instead. Much better than if this so-called cyber stalker were to ask someone that she didn’t know, about why they moved from Germany to Spain and what besides the weather and food could be so interesting about it – yes my homofomo were working overtime.

Just imagine if I missed out on something very interesting!! How would I be able to live with it??

Unfortunately Google decided to throw a tantrum and said to itself “nah, not gonna happen today.” and gave me completely unrelated links to what I wanted and needed to see. Instead I found a link to a video about a lesbian wedding proposal done on the Camino and forgot all about what in the world might happen in Barcelona. (If Google is confused about what I search for, then it will either suggest lesbian wedding videos, or cat videos to me)

You should read their blog http://seeyousoonmom.com/double-proposal/ and see the video too. (just listen to these adorable (and sexy) accents!)

WARNING! You will lose a few hours of your life by clicking on the link to the blog or video that will make you want to walk the Camino with your miss perfect.

Once again I got lured to spend several hours reading about that Camino de santiago walk.

Me and S… had previously been planning to do the Camino together, but we (I) ended up backing out from it because – bedbugs!! – and well.. who is crazy enough to walk 800++ km in 30 days?? I had lots of reasons not to do it, and I guess just as many reasons to go on the Camino and make out with S…. along the way.

Or something like that.

When we talked about the Camino walk, we usually ended up discussing about where to stay and especially about what to pack to great lengths and how much we should bring with us besides the essentials (iPad, iPhone, and pads). S… found this packing list that put both of our own lists to shame, when it came to reducing weight, as (I can’t remember her name now) had made it an art to plan her packing down to single grams for the Camino walk.

Anyone who include and measure 6 gram condoms and a 2 gram SD Card in their packing list, then they deserve to be named the uncontested winner of the most detailed (and maybe slightly anal) packing list ever.

I have to say, that when I am out on assignments, then my camera gear alone would end up being heavier than this packing list. But of course the list is also very specialized for a crazy long trekking adventure.

But when we were talking about the items on the list and what each of us would change, then I made an offhand remark that I especially liked that the original author of the list included Anita sports bras in her packing list as I would probably have been choosing the same for a trip like that.

S…’s immediately reply were that if anything, then I could just skip them and just travel without because I could then save 116 grams of weight, and she believed that it wouldn’t be essential for me to use sports bras for a walk like that (and that she by the way wouldn’t mind seeing me walk in just a t-shirt).

It would probably also make me very popular and reminded her about that we wouldn’t be all alone.

In the back of my mind I were *hm* “what in the world did she mean by that? I am not exactly running around with two mosquito bites!” Was that a hint that she didn’t like my breasts and that she thought that I were too small on top??? Arrgh drama!

I am actually quite happy with the size of my breasts and have very few complaints about my body in general (you know, besides the usual), but have once in a while thought about how would it be with something, you know, slightly larger, up there and if I should get myself “fixed” up. Not that I would ever do something about it, but you know.. sometimes these thoughts “would I be a happier person with larger breasts” do come up in my mind.

Happier? Nah I guess not. More popular with the ladies? Absolutely!

In the last years I have gone through some weight losses and somehow gains, that not always immediately settled in the chest area when I gained weight again, so by myself I have felt slightly insecure about my body image and how I generally looked.

At the same time, there are maybe 5-6 people that really can get to me and that I would listen to when it came to my self-image and body, and S…. are one of them, especially when I were completely unprepared for a comment like that. S… is a person who normally NEVER say anything about anyone’s bodies so when she said it, then I took it very personal and I ended up reflecting too much about what she said as if it had come from almost anyone else then I would have told them to go stick it.

After a few weeks with self doubt and nights where my confidence just got lower and lower, then I finally pulled myself together and confronted S… about her comment.

She reacted with complete surprise and shock from her side and wondered why I took it that personal, as she felt that I hardly ever took anything personal.

*hm*

 

Let’s talk about Bond, Jane Bond

More from the movies it seems.

Diana Rigg, you might remember her as the scheming Olenna Tyrell from Game of Thrones, recently said in a radio interview that she would welcome a lesbian Bond. Some of you might know that she is a former bond girl (woman), or if you like me were in the dark about that, then she were starring in the 1969 On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

Yes, believe it or not. I am not at all up to date with what is going on in the 007 universe.

I would personally welcome a Jane Bond (What else would you call her eh??), then again I do think the boys are welcome to keep the 007 franchise to themselves, but wouldn’t mind a lesbian and I don’t mean a thi hi ha ha I’m ‘lesbian’ for the guys female Bond, but someone who could do a proper believable lesbian role that wouldn’t make me groan in pain and agony, while she kicked some bad guys and could give both Bond and Bourne a run for the money. All for the sake of her “Queen” of course.

Who could you see in the role as an double oh Jane Bond?

 

Uh!

I arrived and ended up running around myself for a few days and even tried to live without internet because I told my brother to cancel the cable that also included the internet when I didn’t know when I would return home. But  now when I finally returned home. PANIC!! NO INTERNET!!

Urgh!

I had to disable internet access from the Singapore handphone a few months ago after it got hacked, and the IT guys found traces of monitoring software (or something like that) from a company called Hacking Team. It made everyone other than me really excited, especially my employer were quite pissed.

My computer is now loaded with a crazy amount of security software and I have been equipped with a more than usual secured phone for my singapore number that I only can install “pre-approved”apps on. Think I am going to mess with the IT dep and ask them to install grindr for me just to see how they are going to react to that ha ha.

Nah I tried quite a lot of dating apps, but meh. I tried Qrushr, Brenda, Grindr, Tindr, Fridae, PinkSofa, OKCupid, Her/Dattch and lots of others in the past. But most didn’t really work for me, although I did get my 5 minutes fame for being the one with the longest lesbian OKCupid profile and even got a marriage proposal from a HK gay guy on Fridae.

Nah.

Oh actually… Her formerly known as Dattch is getting interesting, just not there yet, but is kind of a Pinterest/Dating/Socializing app that is worth noticing and could be the one that might end up dominating the online lesbian dating scene in a few years time. It is not yet available in Singapore like many other places. My siblings even discussed if we should invest in it, but I ended up being the skeptical one. It is still interesting though.

Anyway, I suddenly had a lot of time to do my writing after I cleaned up the apartment since I could only get WIFI from the pool / recreational area downstairs.

When I came home it had an “odd”, “did someone die in here?” smell that I just needed to get rid of before I could feel comfortable again. Ya, ya. I had a sudden impulse of going cleaning crazy and don’t think that the apartment have been this clean since I moved in.

The smell is gone, or maybe it is just because I emptied a bottle of perfume everywhere that I could think about so any odd smells there might be is getting overpowered by my perfume for now.

Oh yes, my going “cleaning crazy” also had something to do with that I found a dead cockroach in the kitchen that initially had me see scenes from the old movie The Mummy – you know one of these scenes where bugs came running out of every crack in the wall, and well, everywhere!

I ended up writing about 8 pages about the first days/hours in Singapore that I am wondering if I should post or not. Okay maybe I will do after I have edited out the parts that is NSFW or not safe for the world to see at all. You know sometimes I just hit the keyboard without realizing what I am writing and then afterwards wonder what in the world I were thinking about and why I even dared to write these thoughts down at all….

Makes you wonder right??

 

Oh and who would have expected that I really missed bao so much?? I walked past a stall and then suddenly realized how long it have been since I last had one, so just-had-to-buy-one!

I see food that I need to eat everywhere I look these days.

 

Are you still there?

I got a few letters from new and old followers asking if I were still blogging? And the answer to that is a “YES!” Yes, I am still working on the blog, but just had a crazy month where I had no time at all. Had too much work,  had to survive a lesbian dinner with 18 guests that I hosted in my home – and because I am miss perfect in some ways, then I ended up stressing myself like crazy over the dinner, so I ended up  sick for a week after.

Nahhh. I didn’t get sick of the dinner. We had in the office a flu like bronchitis-ish disease sweeping through everyone and it were my turn as the last one to get it! And then on the day where I had to host my dinner!!! grrrr I mean what?? Why?? Why that day??! Faint!

But success! The food were nice, I felt it were acceptable and everyone loved it like crazy.

Even my evil nemesis aka “you can’t be a real lesbian because you like the Room In Rome movie” from the local bar turned up and she even told to my face that she liked my food!  I think the world stopped spinning for a second there.

I made Green Curry Chicken, with a small salad and bread, and made Coconut ice-cream as desert. S… dared me to serve them Durian ice-cream, but I chickened out in the end.  I mean oh the horror it would have been if someone actually complained about my food.

Right?

Turns out that I can take a lot of things, but the thought of someone who didn’t like my food or didn’t feel entertained at my home is actually much, much worse than the idea of someone who don’t approve of my sexuality.

Who would have thought that?

I am a recent member in a lesbian dinner group, where those who can make it meet once a month – or so – at each other’s homes where they usually make dinner together as well as help with the cleaning and entertainment afterwards (strong alcoholic drinks, coffee  tea, lots of cakes and chitchatting).

It is also a very nice way to meet other women like this because not only do you get to experience their table manners, you also get to see how they act without being too drunk and in homely setting and so. So quite a few couples have come out of this 8 year old dinner event here.

Usually it is only 7-8 women of very different ages who show up each time, but someone “accidentally” forgot to mention to me that August is the month where everyone suddenly have time to join, so I got tricked to host it in August, that usually is the hardest month to get someone to host.

As the currently only non white woman in the group, then I guess there were some curiosity to see how the hot girl (if I can’t compliment myself, then who can??) with the slanted eyes lived as well.

I ended up making the food on my own. Mainly because I wanted it to-be-just-right, and the thought of that someone might end up ruining my signature dish didn’t sit well with my ego. Green Curry Chicken, is crazy easy to make, and is one of the better dishes to make when you want to impress “miss next girlfriend who is coming for dinner”.

I don’t know what it is with lesbians and kitchens? and cooking in general? But it seems like to me that kitchens in lesbian homes is just something that should to be used as little as humanly possibly, and generally is only good for making brownies in. Or at least it seems so to me when I am talking to the ladies around me.

Okay, my small group of lesbian friends is not representatives of every lesbian and lesbian couples on planet earth, but it is scary how many times my friends cycle through their 5-6 standard dishes over the year when they are making food on their own.

I LOVE MY KITCHEN

I am absolutely the one who is talking most about food. But that could just as well be my Singaporean genes who fiercely demands that I talk about food at least 8 times a day, or there is something horribly wrong with me.

I enjoy my kitchen and making food. Well, when I can decide what to make. I get crazy cranky if someone tell me what to do in a kitchen, or end up telling me how to chop, or do things in a kitchen, or try to correct the way I do things there. It is either my way or no way.

The idea of ending up as the typical “Noe Valley” stay at home lesbian mom is crazy scary to me.

Noe Valley is a suburb in San Francisco. We used to joke back in uni when I studied in San Francisco that the worst nightmare would be to end up getting married to someone who really did the whole corporate ladder career to the max and then decide that you had to stay at home and look after the typical million dollar house, make sure that it were spotless, give birth, raise 2 spoiled children and get the lesbian dogs properly trained while she went power tripping around the world.

In short a Noe Valley lesbian is a Lesbian Tai tai.

Turned out that that was exactly what one of my roommates ended up doing with a double master degree, and being the smartest woman that I have ever known. She ended up as a token femme lesbian wife who get unhappy and emotionally upset if she can’t get the things that she is looking for at the famers market and need to settle with non organic items instead.

Unbelieveable!

Sidetracked for a bit.

So yes, I like my kitchen. I like doing and making things in it, and think that well, besides my bed, then the kitchen is the most cozy place to just hang out in I feel. And NO I don’t invite random strangers to “hang” out in my bed and bedroom.

Ugh. I wanted to make a point with the whole Noe Valley comment, but then I forgot what it was that I wanted to say?!

….

Oh yes, now I remember.

I like doing kitchen and homely things, but only to a certain degree because as much as I like to do, you know, the whole femme lesbian cave with scented candles, pillows ,pride art everywhere, home ID and so, then I love to work even more, so my cooking end up as experimental and challenging as long as they stay uncomplicated and in the end are very easy to do.

But it is actually nice to get someone home and then make dinner with someone….. Lesbian dating tip #3. Don’t go out and eat. Invite miss sexy home and then tell her that you two are going to make dinner together while you chit chat. Go out and shop together, then chop and cook as well. Preferably over a glass of something.

Works every time… Most of the time… Okay sometimes…, and if you get too busy with something else (hm), then order pizza afterwards and hope to reheat the day after.

Okay, this post took me a whole other place than where I wanted to go to, so I am going to start over in a while – or tomorrow and then try again. But no. I am not giving up and will still be posting. So don’t you worry. I am here and I will continue writing.

Todays Cafe Quotes aka what I overheard at a Cafe while having brunch.

Yes, Yes I know I should have been writing a blog post about the five white elephants and the young boy’s 50th birthday today (Aug 9th), but I am kind a slow, so a belated greeting will come later as I am behind with a number of blog posts that I am currently working on.

I (surprisingly) overheard a conversation between two guys from the table next to me and my friends, that made me crack up.

“Being Lesbian or Gay is like having lunch with only a fork and a spoon to eat with.”, “You can get by, but it is just not efficient when you are missing something vital.”

The guys were talking just loud enough to make sure that we could hear them, since neither of us hid our preferences to life.

I were having brunch with two friends who just couldn’t keep their hands from each other because they recently found each other – again! and were at the same time busy with loudly discussing whom of their friends would be a “good” match for me.

So yes, there were a large arrow pointing our way with a sign saying “lesbians on table 2…”

3rd time in the last 6 months that they started dating each other, and they are not the subtle kinds when they are showing affection in public.

Neither should they by the way!

—-

If were good at quick comebacks, then I would have challenged the guys on the spot, but I am one of these who sometimes need to think hard a little before I can come up with a smart reply, and quick comebacks two days after is just not that cool.

Instead I did the classic, but charming (since it is me), coffee out of the nose trick when I heard the comment that casually floated through the Cafe, and couldn’t stop laughing over what I just heard because it sounded so ridiculous that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

These two guys obviously haven’t been to a food court or hawker centre in Singapore, where you just don’t get knifes to eat with, so I wondered if that would make people who eat with a spoon and a fork, gays in their eyes?

Because if so, then Singapore would need a new flag with more rainbows in it.

 

By the way, the blog post about Singapore’s 50th birthday will be named “Is Singapore male or female?”

Not working today, so thought that I would out my queer fridge to the world for once.

Took Monday and Tuesday of after this weekend and let me just say that I still feel the effects from whatever that I got Saturday – and I guess that say a lot about my ability to handle various types of alcohol.

Anyway let me introduce something dear to me.

My fridge!

Yes, I really don’t know what I should be doing without her.

Shop more often I guess??

 

 

20150803_214737

Beetroot,Red Cherry Paprica w cheese, Ginger root, Lime, 2 x Cheese and Toblerone!!

 

20150804_113823

Homemade strawberry / rhubarb jam (curtsey my sister and sister in law), Chicken that should have been used Yesterday!!, more jam (not homemade), 2 x Swedish mustard that I for some reason bought in Sweden, and still don’t know why I wanted to buy them and then bring them all the way back with me. Milk in a milk jug and mayo (I think).

Oh yes, lower left corner: White wine from Chile and two bottles of water.

 

20150804_113916

Plums (of some sort), cooking butter, Olives!!!!. Amazingly enough I got half of a small glass left? Potatoes that need to be eaten asap. Salad (in the large box below the potatoes). Two boxes with unknown content??

 

(Going to look)

20150804_122319

Turned out that I actually knew what were in the them.

Homemade by my own hands, garlic (judging by the smell; lots and lots of garlic) and dill dressing for the salad.

Watermelon and cheese salad, leftovers – with mint leaves I believe. Home created as well. (by me and me alone!!)

 

What I didn’t show

Top drawer: Assorted beer cans that is about to go over date, 7 types of different juices all within an acceptable date range, Apple cider that taste of butt crack, Sundried tomatoes (in a glass), Roasted red peppers also in a glass and what was long time ago supposed to be hummus.

Lower drawer (aka veggie drawer): Tomatoes (lots and too many to count), cucumber (yes, yes every lesbian need one of those – or at least to some male fantasies), red and green pepper, lemon grass, red and white(?) onions, what was once salad leaves. Old (very, very old) asparagus, ican billis – not sure why they are in that drawer?? What I am quite certain is Water spinach. Xiang Mai Chye and Pak Choi that both have seen better days.

Fridge door: Too much to mention.