Do you (lesbians) hate men?

I guess it is Q&A week. But got this question a few days ago when I was having an outrageous dinner with some potential new female colleagues and possibly partners that I would like to answer in public and as honestly and truthfully as I can. Almost without any irony.

“Do you lesbians hate men?”

First of all. I feel that this is the number one face palm question of everything that I have ever been asked.

I can’t really answer for everyone in the world, but I can answer for myself, and no, I do not h-a-t-e men. But to generalize; I quite often find it easier to be friends with guys, than with many women, whom I feel have a tendency to overcomplicated simple things, just as I sometimes do myself. YES to those who know me. I did say SOMETIMES!

Well, that is when men in general have gotten over the outrageously shocking news that I got boobs and a body and all that, but men are generally somehow simpler to be friends with I feel.

I have to admit that we lesbians do have a tendency to cling or band together and can get overly internal in our communications, so we after a while forget about how the straight world communicates. Sometimes we misunderstand what you as a male mean or what your intentions are and we get defensive or feel offended as a coping mechanism. Therefore many of us without really thinking about it end up having only lesbian and gay friends simply because communication is different and sometimes easier when you don’t have to think about translating into to straight peoples language. Yes, we the Sappho lesbians from outer space have another language when we are not trying to blend into the straight people population, where we by the way only go to when we need to lure more “so-called” straight women to join our flock – all part of the secret plan to take over The World Singapore.

And now that I have alienated every female friendship that I got, and is getting calls from everyone, asking what it is I mean about them, then “Of cause it is not you my dear”, “it is all the others. You are my friend, so I don’t mean you”. “Right?”

I have a brother, that I (for the most of the time) don’t hate either.

I don’t differ between my nieces and nephews, who adore me like there are no tomorrow and who often Skype me just to tell me that I am the best (true story). So besides being super aunt for my siblings children, then I am actually able to be in the room with the male gender without I get to feel odd ticks in my face or swing the rainbow colored (yes it IS a color) flag around just to spite you.

So in short, no we(I) don’t really hate men, I can get irritated about the unending questions about being lesbian, if I sometimes miss a penis?, who the guy is in the relationship?, and no, I don’t really find the statement that you as a male is a lesbian in a male body fun at all either.

But in the end all I can say is that




In Singapore “Lesbian” is a naughty word. But “Gay” is not.

Did you know that in Singapore you can’t register a lesbian domain name, but it is possible to register a gay domain name?

While doing research for a story and a small personal project, I happen to pass by Singapore’s Domain registration organization SGNIC who is part of IDA(Infocomm Development Authority of Singapore) in Singapore. In short it is the people who manage all domain names ending with “.sg”, “” and others ending with “.sg” and make sure that domain names are managed for whoever have an interest in registering a domain name representing Singapore.

So I went to their website to see what possible names that I could register that had any relation to my sexuality eh and food.

Well, what happen yesterday was that I got invited to a lesbian dinner event, and it ended up being so fun and interesting that I wanted to bring that idea with me back to Singapore.

The whole idea – or event – is that for you to become a member of the Lesbian Dinner Group, then you need to either get invited to a dinner by an existing member, or sign up by SMS and then host a dinner at a date of your choice and with a dish (or string of) that you believe that you can do. Members of the group can then sign up and get to join your marvelous culinary wonder and get to meet each other at your place as well.

It also got great dating potentials, without feeling like a date (to begin with).

As a guest you can choose to help out in the kitchen. Arrive later and help with the table and service, or arrive on time and then pay a little more than the others who helped out. It is all up to you, with (almost) no group pressure. The only rule there is, is that when you have signed up, then you pay if you don’t show up or find a substitute for you.

I decided to help out with the dinner. Not that I could do much, I knew how to chop vegetables, but didn’t know much about the dish itself, so I could only help out with what I could – and get to know the other women / girls / ladies / whatever, at the same time.

To me personally, I prefer to arrive early if I don’t know anyone, and try to help out with what there is to help out with so I get to know at least some of the other guests before everyone arrives. To me it is also fun to help out with the food and preparations.

Marvelous idea and loved it so much, that I thought that this could be a great, fun, cozy idea to bring back to Singapore. I mean what scary could there be to host a dinner for hungry eyed lesbians who expect nothing less than a wonder?

So with this in mind I went to SGNIC to see what domain names was available because I thought that it would be better to create a simple website for like minded to know about this event, instead of working with an SMS system like the one here. I could of course just have made an Facebook page, and guess that would have been much easier, but I really dislike Facebook.

Initially I began to search for domains that could hint at lesbian dinners and then got curious if the domain “” was taken and what it was used for? But to my surprise the SGNIC website stated that it was on the reserved list. Meaning that the domain name could not be registered by anyone because it was a banned word.

My surprise only got greater when I then could see that it was possible to register and that someone already have done so. It made me wonder what is so scary about lesbians in Singapore compared to gay men?? Are we really that scary??

What do you think?

Would it work out in Singapore?

Would you like to join a blind dinner date with hungry, starved lady loving women?

Why are lesbians only friends with lesbians ?

This is not among my proudest moments , but it is still something I do regularly : Facebook spying on strangers. Maybe it’s the same as when I window shop on cute OKCupid/PinkSofa profiles?

You know, you follow a link from a peripheral friend who has been tagged in a birthday photo album , looking at about ten photos of strangers and immediately peek into a stranger ‘s profile … just to see if she got any public photos to spy on.

What in the world?!
It’s really a secret and I ‘m feeling naughty! Will I get caught! oh and will someone punish me for it? (Yes, if I did it at work…)

But in any case, we (read: I ) soon learned that the strange – woman – number-one ‘s birthday definitely only invited lesbians to her birthday party. And yes, yes – how do I now know that they are lesbians when I just revealed that I absolutely do not know any of them? But you know that I basically can tell by looking at the pictures – oh and if the whole group of girls at a birthday picture got hairstyle advice from L Words Shane, then you know what team they cheer for – and maybe it is the blown up female Sex Doll that was in the photo too??

The beauty of being lesbian is that only you and your peer group can vent our prejudices as crazy as we can. Just like that it is only approved that people with disabilities can out themselves and their handicaps. Yes double standards are beautiful. A lesbian can call another lesbian an angry dyke, but dam the hetero who does it – right?

And a living room full of girls with army cuts – or very short hair, then I’ll call it gay – said by me who would faint and even kill myself if my hair got cut short.

And that brings me to my main point:

Why are lesbians only friends with other lesbians?

Although I discovered a little half-late that I can’t do without breasts (on others) in my sex life again. So I have an well established base of straight and homo friends before then – and even adopted a few from past relationships.

Since then I have obviously built up a clique of lesbian friends, which among other things means that I cannot sit alone in the bar that I often frequent. But the funny thing is that many of them – especially the ones that came out at an early age – basically only know lesbians.

And I know that from when I studied in San Francisco, there could go weeks between meeting an actually straight person that wasn’t somehow connected UC Berkeley of some sort. My roommates were gay, the barista were gay, gay neighbors, gay, gay and gay, and only once in a while this strange hetero creature came into the circle.

But why? Are we a flock of pack animals (growl) who only play well with peers who understand what we – what other Lesbians go through in life and can be free with? Or what makes it so that lesbians are only friends with lesbians??

Yes I am going to a New Year’s party that only consist of lesbians and very gay men. I have turned into a lesbian cliche!