Ice cream to everyone!

I gave ice cream to the department a few days ago.

Not that it was out of my good heart, but I lost a draw and then why not use all that pent up energy from the weekend to go down and buy the boys and the rest of the department ice cream?

I call them boys to tease the geeks, plus I got a feeling that they kind a like it, even when they strongly object to it. If it is socially okay for them to call women, girls, then why wouldn’t it be okay for me to call the guys for boys?!?

Earlier that day I had a chat with the HR manager director, well it is either of the titles, can’t remember right now. She asked how I were doing and if I needed any moral support after these days, and well, then just wanted to talk for a while to follow up on our last talks.

Aren’t she nice?

As a HR person she is quite cool by the way. She is not a power suit person, bicycle to work on a men’s bicycle because “the frame is stronger and faster, and I don’t do slow”. I don’t know if that is true but it sounded like it when she said that it was so.

You usually see her in a t-shirt and hoodie, stone washed jeans and crew cut hair.

So when I met her for the first time after my transfer to where I am now, my broken gaydar screamed “OH YES! LESBIAN COLLEAGUE. HOW COOL IS THAT” In your face fate, I thought.

I have never worked in an office with another out lesbian (who didn’t leave for another country the moment she came out), and I just feel that I am missing something in my professional life. It’s not that sexuality matters at work, but well, you know?… It could just be fun.

She got short well kept nails.

Women with long nails are just not bi or les. Or said in another way. Lesbians with long nails is a sure sign that they haven’t had sex in a very long time. At least not good sex.

Or is just a selfish pillow princess.

So avoid long nails! No good can come out of it.

Scissor hands are not getting near me at all.

And she got amaaazing.. Eh.. said in another way;

My grandmother once told me that if I kept my breasts as young as a 20 year old, then I could rule any man that I wanted.

That was long before I joined team L. by the way.

If my grandmother is right, then my colleague here must be fiercely ruling her husband.

Yes you read it right! She is straight and married to the manliest man that you can ever think about. I told myself that she must be overcompensating for something else.. Got 2.5 child and very settled in.

½ = poodle. Of all animals… a poodle! That is just so gay!

But I had somehow flatly ignored the pictures on her desk and ended up asking in my typical subtle way.

When I do subtle, I usually open out with asking if I haven’t seen her at the local lesbian club or bar, or whatever famous lesbian event that even straight people knows about, or if that was her girlfriend / wife I saw her with “the other day”. (There were no other day)

So very subtle.

My so-called gaydar radar is right about 60% of the times, other times I have to give in and admit that women just like to dress and act hipster gay.

If they say that they aren’t gay, then I will change subject and complain about that.

I mean if anything, I can at least leave them with a sense of fashion insecurity.

But we got around several subjects in out chat, until she ended up asking me if it were true that I called them “boys” and if I didn’t know that it could be seen as offensive to some?

I replied with that when I did call them “boys” it usually were after they had called us “girls”, or somehow shortly after, and that I by the way didn’t really see the difference and felt it just as offensive to be called “a girl” by a guy who are younger than me.

She understood the point, but didn’t know what to do about it.

What do you think? Is it okay for the guys / men to call us “girls”, but it is not okay for us to call them “boys”?

 

 

Have I turned into the stereotypical angry lesbian?

Got a skype message from a friend that I haven’t spoken to in ages after she found and read my blog.

CC: “What! You sound so serious and angry on your blog!”

ME: “Grrr. What are you talking about!”

ME: “I am not angry when I blog. Maybe irritated at most!!”

CC: “You sound like that angry lesbian in some of your posts lol”.

Beware Angry Lesbian

Not that angry after all.

Have I really turned into a stereotypical angry lesbian after I passed my *hm* 30’s (omg!)? Nah I am not angry and can’t recall that I have been angry when I wrote anything on this blog. Okay, there were one or two, that started out angry – like my post about IKEA, but else I really don’t feel that I have turned into that angry lesbian who rant about everything heteronormative that does not leave room for LGBT issues and liberties.

But my  post about IKEA were more in a disappointed state, than angry.

Yes, really.

Am I really angry?

No. I am not angry. I can be very ironic. I can be fiercely stubborn on my convictions and I am not afraid to fight for what I believe in – and that is a Singapore who is able to embrace sexual diversity, as well as a country who does not suppress a democratic voice and a free press. That does not make me the angry lesbian, just someone who need to (maybe loudly) say that something is so horribly wrong in Singapore, that it is going to hurt the country and its citizens in the future.

But when an police officer tell a LGBT marathon organizer that “‘Your kind’ can run a marathon in Hong Lim Park”, a politician – and probably the next PM of Singapore, tell a MNC that it is ‘unfortunate’ that they have an LGBT diversity programme, and according to rumors, MOM (It’s the Ministry Of Manpower) openly advice that it is okay to terminate employment of an employee based on their sexuality then something is just wrong – THAT makes me angry.

We got a media where it is illegal to mention homosexuality in a positive light, and where they can be fined massively for just mentioning that some A-list personality – or anyone else – is gay. At most homosexuals are named as “roommates“, when they are living together and need to be mentioned. Well, unless someone have a mental breakdown, then it is more than okay to mentioned their sexuality.

It is not legal for singers to sing songs that mention homosexuality in the country either (So I guess that Uh Huh Her is not going to perform in Singapore anytime soon?).

OMG I have played songs performed by homosexuals while driving my car. So did that make me a criminal when I sang along?

Yes, Yes I sing while I am driving. Sometimes even rather loudly.

And well, as a woman, then the shape of my breasts already count more than my master degree does to some people, so I will not let anyone also dictate how out I can be at work, or in life, when it comes to my sexuality.

If that makes me an angry lesbian, then I guess that I am. I just don’t see myself as angry.

 

Bitches get stuff done

I happen to come a across this little list of “20 things lesbians are tired of hearing“. It’s fun enough. In particular point 19 that is flanked by the picture below.

I like it because it‘s about me. But that was also my only criterion of quality for this post here.

Bitches get stuff done

I don’t know if it’s really OK to say “bitch”. But I somewhat like the way feminists use the word, so I’ve decided that I belong in the group who reclaimed it. Bitches get stuff done.

 

Are we the antichrist?

I recently returned to Singapore to dust off my apartment and clean it up from a gay parade that had walked through my apartment while I were away. And even though I felt angry at my cousin, then I could not help feeling happy about that I was back, and it simply felt G-R-E-A-T to be home to get the smell of Singapore back into my mind and get to feel. Well, to feel like I am home!

I love this smell of Singapore. No, not the haze from Indonesia, but the smell that Singapore got. You know, the smell, that you don’t really think much about when you are home and have been there for a few weeks, but it is there in the air and greets you when you step out of the Airport and trying to get a taxi.

Trust me it is there, even though a friend of me claimed it must be my imagination that is running wild from the lack of spicy food.

Singapore just smells differently from any other place to me.

But what saddens me about Singapore and to come home to, is that the Muslim and Christian society of Singapore finally have found something not to fight about. Well, not with each other at least. But somehow the far out Christians and even further out Muslims have been able to agree on one thing, and that is that what while they don’t really like each other, then they agree on that Gay Men and Lesbians also known as scary Homosexuals – or LGBT’s are out to ruin Singapore.

(I am sorry you bi person who might be reading this post, but anti LGBT right groups in Singapore feel confused about you and your sexuality and have decided to ignore you for now, so they can give Lesbians and Gay men all their attention and love)

Even the leading candidate for the Singaporean Prime Minister post is out targeting Homosexuals in Singapore to get some cheap votes.

So now, if something is wrong with (insert topic of your irritation) then it is not only the white people (Ang Moh’s) who is at fault, then it surely is also all the Lesbians and Gay’s fault too. At least when it comes to homosexuals then they care less about skin color, even though they both agree on that homosexuality in Singapore is something else that they can blame white evil westerners for.

Worst is that MUIS (Islamic Religious Council of Singapore) actually support the view on Singaporean Homosexuals, and in that way indirectly making it an official view supported by the Singaporean Government.

Making it hard to feel Singaporean at all

But what is it that they don’t like about us?

Is love and not war the greatest threat to the Singaporean society?

WE are a threat to families and family values!!

Somehow the only thing that we are planning to do, is to wait for the men of Singaporean families to go to Church or to whatever it is called – The Mosque – and then we will be invading their homes to seduce their women and steal their children away from them.

I don’t really get that thinking at all?

We are all for families and family values and it is a great part of what we are fighting for.
We are asking for acceptance.
We are asking for the right to marry.
We are asking for the right to have children and that both men or both women in a homosexual relationship officially can be accepted as parents to our children.
We are just asking for love.

And then we are a danger to family values??

Please explain that to me.

It’s not abuse, not infidelity, not ignorance, not loss of finances and jobs. It is us, we, the them, who is the biggest threat to Christian and Muslim families and family values. Oh yes and Humanity as a whole too while we are at it.

We the lady loving Lesbians and Gay Men are planning to bring down Humanity.

Eurovision is after all over, so what else are we going to do for the rest of the year than planning to take over the world?

Imagine that. Homosexuals and the rest of the LGBT gang – and probably unicorns and dolphins too, is the sole reason for the end of Humanity.

With gay men on our side, we will at least do it in style.

From crewcut Barbie Doll to “Am I lesbian” – a completely unstructured post

I had a funny conversation over lunch at the office today. Yes OFFICE on a Saturday. I am in the penalty box because I did something that went against what my employer thought was okay, so I am now and for a while on the top list for crap assignments.

Anyway, I got a new colleague a few weeks back. Doe eyed 25 year old, who just finished her internship and who are so scared of me. Oh yes and while I was away someone told her that the last one who worked at the desk where she is now working from, very near me, got out of the closet, dumped her long time boyfriend, began to date my ex and moved to Sweden. So it’s official. I got a reputation at work now.

Not really sure if that is a bad or good one?

So I am intimidating her.

“Who me?”, “But I am so nice!”

And I even brought cake with me to work this morning.

Hm.

But she was not there and we needed someone to gossip about. So she became the topic of interest and how spoiled and somehow naive she was. Very, very sweet and nice. In a cuddly poodle puppie kind of way. And Spoiled!

Fact number one! Her parents had a pool!

…. But did she have one of these remote controlled Barbie cars when she was younger? Another colleague asked.

She didn’t have that one – as far as anybody near our table knew. I remember that was the ultimate status symbol among my friends as a child. Oh and then how many Barbie dolls you had. The larger the collection you had, the easier you could be the princess. I never had many. Maybe 5 or 6. My parents were one of those who believed in chores and earning my keep as a servant, who among other had to do her own room for the monthly allowances. Such a hard life!

I cut the hair of one of my dolls to have a man. I didn’t have a Ken doll, and my little doll society would have broken down without some sort of masculinity there.

As I told my colleagues about that, then I pondered about that if that might have been the first seed to homosexuality for me? You know, no nuclear doll family was the sure first steps to homosexuality?? And maybe even why I have such a fascination about broad shouldered, crewcut feminine lesbians.

Yes, I can just imagine the future Mattel commercials. “Get all the dolls or your child will be gay!”.

Okay maybe not PC after all.

But who am I kidding. I recall that at 16 almost all my Barbie Dolls either had a mohawk or a crewcut. All except ONE.

Last weekend was dedicated to the Easter feast, and else the rest of this week have been dedicated to trying to remember my password for Netflix. Since S.. mentioned Netflix I have been wondering about what my password was for it. I pay for it, but don’t use it much at all.

But else I have in the past week been replying to emails from strange women – no, not strange as in odd, but as I don’t know them at all – that if I might think they are gay. I like getting emails like that. Not just only for connecting with others, but it is just nice to hear from others and that they might think that I can help them with their sexuality. But honestly all I really can say is “Try it out” and you will know shortly – or the day after.

I knew what was right after my first real passionate womanly kiss. That I might never forget by the way.

So try it out and if it feels oh so wrong, then I guess that you are not on team L and then back to the penis for you. Nothing wrong with that by the way.

Gosh, I can’t even write the word “penis” without it makes me feel wrong.

 

 

Are you girlfriends? Why don’t you want to talk to me?

It haven’t happened to me in years, ages or for quite a while now. But earlier tonight I had this so-called homo visible situation.

I went out for coffee with my chronically unemployed lesbian friend from down the road. According to herself she is not unemployed “I am just a poet in a world who don’t get me”. Anyway, it’s not about her life.

Just after I came home from my late teaching experience, that also was the first time that I was a few minutes late for class, because my brain got set on a conversation with S….. and I lost all track of time. .. shit. But, I had only closed the front door before she brutally tried to open it. No knocking and the way she opens the front door, any door, is with an expectation that doors are not locked for her. Ever! – And that it is peoples own fault if they stand behind a door that she is about to open.

“Hey! Want coffee? It’s your time to pay” – well like the last 40 times as far as I can recall, but never mind. I enjoy her company.

So with no dinner or anything we ended up at a boring cafe in Amsterdam’s city center.

Engrossed in an intimate conversation about her latest conquests, knees facing each other on a couch at the end wall at the secluded spot – the only secluded spot in the cafe.

Nice, easy and very relaxing.

Until … a boy, eh a guy, of about 40 years sit in a chair facing us. He leans across the table – towards us.

I initially first thought that the guy just found one of the few vacant seats in the cafe and peace with that, no harm at all. But then when he leaned toward me. And I could just feel that he was one of those, who when he see lesbians in half an intimate (not physically intimate , dialogic intimate – we did not kiss at all!) situation, then he clearly believes that there are more than enough room for one more – him and his face.

He tried to engage in our conversation and asked if we are lovers . And I replied – somehow with a sharp voice:

“We’re just having a private conversation and don’t really want to engage with others right now, so now, please excuse us.”

I thought that would give him leeway enough – without losing face to move away or at least lean back and drink the rest of his coffee in silence. But no.

“Why will not you talk to me? Are you two lovers ? Is this your girlfriend?”

I felt that I was getting angry. And replied confrontational .

“It’s – I am sorry to say – none of your f….ing business. But sure, to you, this could be my girlfriend, but right now we are busy with our own conversation that is only about the two of us, and neither of us want any other company right now. OK ? ”

He drones on. That I am a tight, Asian and closed-minded woman and that she is a beautiful Caucasian and open woman. What he was 200 percent right about. Well, in that moment he were.

I answer in a relatively red-hot-ready-for-war-attitude , that he might have to take my silence as a sign that he is not welcome and that it was rude to interfere when he clearly had been told that we would prefer our own privacy.

I looked over at my friend, after which she leans forward pats his hand and quietly asks him to leave us alone. Educational and friendly. He simply gets up and leaves. Mission accomplished .

Sometimes fuck my temper.

I felt my privacy massively violated. And my sexuality visible and vulnerable. And was – not quite fair  – angry that she didn’t get excited at all.

“It’s not worth it to let such an idiot ruin your day, ” she replied. And squeezed my hand.

And she’s right. But once in a while I can’t help to read a thousand years of gender inequality into such a situation. The guy would never like that have invaded a heterosexual couple’s privacy, the way he did, but with two women, then it is okay to do so.

It’s actually been a while since I last felt this homo visible, but I can clearly feel that it evokes a lot of quivering indignation in me when it happens. Still, I find it so hard just to see him as a lone shallow idiot and not as a symptom of a sick and chauvinistic world.

What do you do when it happens to you – if ever?