And a Happy New Year to you all.

Didn’t expect this one the last first day of the year?!

I haven’t felt like blogging for a while. Not that I haven’t had anything to talk about, but my mind and brain just weren’t into writing anything in this “semi” public diary of mine.

In the new hear I hope that I will be able to sit down and write about Singapore’s oldest lesbian couple that I met back in November (or early December?), and they had quite a life story that I would love to share with the rest of you. It is about 50% complete from where I want it to be, so cross your (my) fingers that it will be posted soon. We had a talk about changes through life and ages, finding love, Singapore’s lack of acceptance and that it is never too late for anyone to come out of closet!

I will return to work again on the 16th, but just came in for lunch and… you know, just to say hi to everyone and give all who deserve it a happy New Year hug. But after being away for about half a year, then it were a little odd to be back in the office and it almost felt like the “first day” at work again.

For the next few months I will be working part time and just try to ease myself into “work” again, but then again “part time” to me usually means close to what everyone else consider close to full time – European working hours!!

It also means that I won’t be teaching about Journalism and Reporting in Asia this year as part of the agreement with my employer. I feel quite sad about that decision because it is something I look forward to months in advance and is something that I really enjoy doing.

But as they say in the movies and cheesy romantic novellas. I will be back!

Next year…

Spending 6 month with almost no travels, no airplanes, no airports, no hotels, especially no hotel food! and full nights of non stressed sleep is something that I haven’t had tried in years and I honestly can’t remember when I last felt this relaxed and at ease with myself.

I have been so much at ease that it almost lead to borderline boredom.

But then I had plenty of time to read quite a lot of books in the Lesbian genre and whatever I could find of interesting reads on Literotica and others like that.

Oh by the way, can you remember the time when if you needed to know if anyone were lesbian, that you then just had to ask what their profile name were on PinkSofa?

It turns out that I still have an active profile on that site and someone (nunejr)- who must have been more bored than me, and/or just returned to Singapore from the UK, gave me a smile there.

I didn’t reply because S…. would object greatly to it and will likewise question about why I still have an active account there at all! I had forgotten all about it.

I used to like PinkSofa because the profiles there felt more genuine than on many other dating sites and for some reason there were less fake profile there as well. Maybe I am fooling myself about that part?, but that is what I believe. Especially back when I used to be very (very) active in the dating and “lets get together” scene.

Do you still use PinkSofa? Do any? What alternatives to PinkSofa do you use today? I mean where do lesbians go unicorn hunting now? Or are you one of the daring ones who hit on all the straight ladies and don’t care about rejections?

By the way, I send an email to PinkSofa and asked them about what it would cost to send out a mass email to all the women who have registered from Singapore through them. (they haven’t replied yet!)

In the months of staring up at the ceiling, going through a wall repainting project, reading a crazy amounts of books, spend too much time on online shopping and binge watching all episodes of Grey’s Anatomy for the n’th time, then I wondered if I should take up the Lesbian Dinner event in Singapore that I used to frequent in Netherlands, and then maybe use PinkSofa as a platform in trying to marketing it to those who don’t know who I am.

I think it would be more interesting to meet someone who aren’t in your already closely knitted lesbian circle.

I know that S… would be cheering for it and for more than one reason would jump at a dinner (She will message me 2-3 minutes after I have posted this and say “about bloody fudge[censored]ing time!!!” among xxx other). She would of course also use the dinner as a recruiting platform for her yoga mindray to get more to join yoga classes in Singapore, or find out what classes they already attended.

But what do you say? 10-12 semi single(or just want to meet new friends) ladies for dinner dating at my place? Would that be something that could work in little Singapore?

Yes there would be plenty of red wine to the Introverts.

 

I didn’t get to write about the most despicable person I have ever seen on the Internet in 2016 either. And it is not Trump or a racist asshole Trump supporter.

There is a person calling herself the “Lesbian Pua”. PUA means PickUp Artist. She is absolutely not a lesbian. More bisexual in my book since she got a boyfriend. But this person find it is okay to upload videos of her female sexual conquests to YouTube, and without the partners consent record them with a hidden camera, so everyone can see who and how many she have had sex with.

I don’t know what people do for views and likes these days, but I really feel that life and society have taken a very wrong turn for the worse if anyone’s life and self-esteem are determined by a number below a picture or a video.

The crazy lengths they are willing to go for these views and likes? And for what??

I just wonder if she even think about the women that she beds and record in secret. Does she even consider or think about their emotions and the consequences it might have on their personal life’s when she makes it public on the internet?

I mean what the f!!!?

You can read more about her on Tumblr or on YouTube and decide for yourself if she could take the title as the most despicable LGBT person of 2016
With this I wish you a Happy New Year, and hopefully a much better and happier 2017.

Take care everyone!
Sarah-Jane

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Sick leave and leave of absence.

Hi everyone!

I haven’t been even near the blog for months now and surprise, surprise, it seems like everyone else have when I took a look at the statistics for the blog yesterday.

In the last couple of months I have battled with a depression that began when I got a cancer misdiagnose, that later turned out not to be cancer (felt like I dodged a bullet there) but literally a tiny tip of a feather that got stuck in the tear duct and caused a major infection that made one side of my face swell up to an unbelievable size and made me look like a victim of domestic abuse, that not even a pair of oversized sunglasses could cover.

My dad passed away from cancer, so whenever I hear the dreaded C word then I tend to go in a full panic mode.

On top of that, the infection caused me so much pain that I could not look at a computer or a TV screen, I could not handle bright sun light for a longer period of time, my eye kept running and it felt like it were about to pop out of its socket any time I moved my head, so if I didn’t hide in my bedroom screaming into my pillow from the pain, then I popped painkillers like there were no tomorrow and then having to deal with a doctor who didn’t take my feedback seriously on top of it, that were simply everything that I could take and everything that my world for a while consisted about.

I haven’t been working since July, and the earliest that I will be back to work will be in January as I have just gone from extended sick leave to a leave of absence that will last until end of December.

Things have changed for me now. Life have changed. I have gone from being a miss 60++ hours workaholic, travel all over the world power woman who felt that she at least had some parts of her life figured out, to a stay and nest at home while she neglect her obsessive running schedule person, who have no idea who she is any longer and if she really wants to go back to the insane crazy work life.

Say hello identity crisis.

At the moment I really don’t know if I want to go back to my old work. I don’t really know what I want any longer. Well, yes great mind blowing sex with miss hotness would be much appreciated, but other than that then what??? I am not suited for the lesbian equivalent of a tai tai life. Yes I want children, but don’t really feel or know if I am that suited for motherhood. I can’t stand the idea and thought of mundane and ordinary repetitive days, but then here I am.

Yay

I am slowly going back to running and made a plan to run in all the parks around the pink dot here.

I can stand looking at myself in the mirror again, but that tiny microscopic scar from the surgery that sometimes feel 10 km long when I stare at it still tend to challenge me and remind me about the last months in darkness.

I also managed to kill all my plants by the way.

Blogging will be on and off when I feel like it. I did go to an interesting event that I would like to write about here, but don’t really know when I will be able to write it down so it might come this weekend, or this week.

Anti LGBT Groups in #Singapore are at it again and Ministry of Home Affairs gave them a brotherly hug

SingaporeIsNoIsland

 

I don’t know why, but I thought that this would be the year when the Singaporean Taliban (aka the we hate all things that looks gay and happy) would give in and accept that love is universal.

NO SUCH THING!!

The Wear White campaign and the joker aka Lawrence Khong made a tiny peep that hardly could be heard. The white shirts were relatively absent this year, and it actually took an effort to find out that they did something at all.

But I think that the pictures from Saturdays Pink Dot showed too many happy and carefree people, and if there are something that Singaporeans clearly hate, then it is to see other Singaporeans happy when they aren’t a part of it. I mean why else are we year after year rated as the most unhappy and miserable nation in the world?

It could of course just be that the haters have understood(or believe) that we in the LGBTQ community just have more satisfying sex?

But we clearly make them angry and upset. To them it is not enough to just say “we don’t agree with you, but we accept your right to be a free Singaporean”.

To my surprise they (the anti gay supporters)  came up with an oddly strange rant about the UN and United States  and that – read white people aka Caucasians or Ang Moh’s – should stay away from Singapore and let Singapore do what Singapore wants to do on its own – including hunting down everything gay within her borders.

The other surprise is that Singapore’s Ministry of Home Affairs(MHA) within hours came with a reply that generally supported it. MHA are notorious about their late non replies to public issues so that anyone in the ministry read that document, arranged a committee steering meeting, arranged a statement, had it rewritten a few times and then released an approved press release within a few hours. That is just crazy efficient when it comes to them. If I were a person who ran around with a tin foil hat, then this is the time I would cry foul and ask questions.

Lots of questions.

 

The letter, that generally said “White people. Fuck off” and blamed Obama (thanks Obama!) forgot that Singapore were literally founded by white people, with the strong help and support of a bag of glass pearls, and all through its days of independence and its current infrastructure have been planned by people from Europe and the Western world.

And not solely by United States. Mostly by the British.

The Singaporean culture and life is a blended mix of the East and the West, and Singapore would not be what it is today without the western world and it surely won’t be able to survive without their support and the companies that originated from there in the future.

Singapore would have some serious issues if all the western expats packed up and left the country. Even if they left their companies behind.

No. Lee Kuan Yew did not barehanded, barefooted and on his knees transform Singapore from a quiet innocent fishing village and into this red dot that we know as Singapore either. He and his running mates took over a well functioning, well oiled system – and lot of British bureaucracy. Hired (quite) a lot of foreigners (white people again) and asked them to save Singapore.

Then he walked out to write the history of Singapore the way he saw fit.

Yes I know that might piss off quite a lot of Singaporeans, but the miniscule number of westerns that are in Singapore today contribute to much more than most are probably willing to accept.

But in reality western influence is a major part of Singapore and you can’t stop it.

If you do, then please start by leaving the two country sized organizations; Google and Facebook, who both supported the Pink Dot event – and even supplied you with the tools to organize and attack Pink Dot with. All free of charge.

It is actually a little funny that the anti gay organizations pen a letter using Google services and distribute it through the channels and services provided by Facebook, both companies that they advocate to get rid of.

Someone please tell them the irony about that.

Can Singapore really afford to alienate all the companies who supported Pink Dot?
“Google, Barclays, BP, J.P. Morgan, Twitter, Goldman Sachs, Bloomberg, Apple, NBCUniversal, Microsoft, Facebook, Visa and GE”


When my relatives (the Singaporean Chinese part) came to Singapore in the 1800-something. They almost literally rode into town on the back of the opium trade, from China, and made an obscene fortune on it while they at the same time had a good time dealing with the British.

But as it is, the majority of my Singaporean relatives are thanks to their abilities to trade on human misery still richer than the 69% in Singapore and can still count judges, lawyers, high ranking pap members and scrupulous business leaders among its members, and all. Every. One. Of. Them. are there because they have been able to read the cultural changes. Not by isolation and ignorance

If it weren’t for the small detail called World War 2, then my family as a whole would not have lost the majority of their wealth and businesses and they would still be busy counting money and scheming up things.

At the same time, they are arrogant as fuck and see themselves as Singaporean Chinese purists, even the ones who didn’t fare well, that on one hand ignore everything about the family’s dealing with the opium trade in the past, while they on the other hand are proud to mention that they can trace the family back to almost the foundation of Singapore and therefore by their world view are more Singaporean than any other Singaporeans on this planet.

Something that my mother ruined by marrying an Ang Moh! “A fat white guy”, and by that polluted the pure blood of the family.

And especially when she had the audacity to give birth to a gay daughter.

How dared she do that!!

So when I read a letter like this, that Singapore should not be influenced by outsiders, that companies and individuals who come to Singapore to live and contribute, should not dare to think about supporting Pink Dot, then I get pissed because that letter is just as fucked up as my relatives are. The letter forget that the Singapore. The Singaporean culture is all about influence from others, influencing others, and that Singapore have never in its short history been an island on its own.

Yes, Yes I know that if you look at Google Map, then you might be saying “CHEY I can see water all around. Singapore IS an island you CHEAT!!~” but I am talking cultural and as a figure of speech.

Singapore have through all time been influenced by the west and the Singaporean life and culture is all about the influence from the west – and the east as well.

Singapore have never been without influence from the West and will not be free if you continue to use the services provided by the Western world.

What is funny when we in these days are looking towards the East, is that the elite of China don’t really count Singapore for much and for most of it see Singaporeans as a group of spoiled and arrogant bananas that might look and sound Chinese but when they open their mouth more sound like a bunch of western goons that have no love for PRC China and its people. So if Singapore rejects the West, where should Singapore go? South? North (Korea)?

Anyone who are penning a letter saying that Singapore is an island and will not be influenced by anyone from the outside have completely missed the point about Singapore and about the world.

Should only 3rd generation Singaporeans be allowed to support Pink Dot and be allowed to vote at elections in the future?

Or are the letter asking us to turn the country into the next North Korea? Do we really want to isolate us from the world?

Not a single religion have been founded in Singapore, so in reality the letter also asked us to ban and disband all religions in Singapore because they can by the wording in the letter also be seen as someone who meddle in Singaporean society.  

Every religion in Singapore came to the country by foreign decadence and influence were mostly brought in from the western countries by the way.  So dear MHA why not look into the religious threat that it clearly must be to the Singaporean culture because combined they own more land and more properties than any other outside imposed influence today, and if anything, they have more political capital than Pink Dot will ever have.

In fact religious organizations own so much land in Singapore that Singapore are the country in the world where most land (in percentage of the total land mass) are owned by religious organizations – if you exclude the Vatican from that equation that is.

We are number one in something again!! Yay!

So if anything, then these foreign influences clearly must be an even larger danger to Singaporean society and culture than Pink Dot and we the same-sex oddballs ever will be.

But why is it acceptable for foreign anti gay groups from especially USA to finance anti gay groups in Singapore? Why is it acceptable for foreign anti gay groups and religious communities to have strategy meetings and get advice on how to deal with the LGBT movement in Singapore?

Singapore have two ways to go. Either the country accept change and eventually embrace it – even if it means acceptance to us decadent homosexuals or it can close its borders. Send home everyone who can’t trace their blood back to the foundation of Singapore and then we can begin to let uncle Lee look at things with uncle Kim from North Korea and post it on Instagram

Send home all the maids, construction workers and the Chinese bus drivers. Return all the bankers and leave Singapore to the real Singaporeans. Then wait with a Milo in hand and see how long that will last.

Oh no. Singapore produces no food on its own (the last farms are shutting down now) and we don’t have clean water either. So I guess the Milo need to be rainwater instead.  

Yum!

 

Pink Dot already won by its non confrontational stance. It has won the hearts of most straight young Singaporeans, and it is really a very small number of Singaporeans who don’t want to accept that the conservative Singapore is no more.

Homosexuality is not something that you can ban out of the country. There are too many of us now. Too many who are already out. We are free no matter what you say and do to us, and the world at large are getting more and more accepting – Even Italy have lately seen the light and soon will the rest of the world. So the only that are left to ask is if Singapore will be the first Asian country to accept us, its own children and its citizens, or will you be the last?

Ask yourself.

What would you do if you got a gay or lesbian child? Wouldn’t it be better to say that you stand with them and you supported them. Wouldn’t it be better to tell them that your country is also their country and that it loves and supports them no matter what.

 

Did the letter really say “fuck human rights?” between the lines.

Feel free to share, comment and rant all that you like.

Done with this years teaching

Yesterday (Tuesday last week) were my last day teaching aspiring journalism students and it is soon time to return to Singapore.

I have come to realize that I absolutely LOVE (with several exclamation marks afterwards) to teach when it is done in small doses. Not only can I for a brief moment call myself adjunct professor, but even some of the more radical members of my family on the Singapore side tend to be nicer towards me when they can say that their niece is teaching at a European university.

And – they don’t need to use the ultra small font size when they otherwise need to mention my “other” profession,  so life have been relatively quiet in the last months when it came to them – and what a relief.

Besides having a short unpleasant moment when a student hit on me – in front of the class, and I ended up having to reject him in front of the whole class, some mid twenties just need to show off to their class mates and don’t understand a hint, then I really love the brutal, honest and frank discussions that I could have with the students.

Something that I am afraid that Singaporean students just often aren’t ready to do.

So while the subject really should have been called “how not to get thrown in jail while reporting from an Asian country” then we covered areas that would never have been approved about or come up in Singapore. Not even in media companies with seasoned staff.

I got a lot of qualified feedback, but just as well many brutally honest questions that in the moment gave me more than one “WTF” moment, but from the beginning I told them that were no stupid (eh, yes there were) questions to ask and that no subject would be too dangerous to take up with me. So if they wanted to ask me, then they should go for it because they needed to learn how to ask questions in the right way – and not let me or anyone get away with half answers – or non answers.

Sometimes I regretted that part. But then again. It is after all better to sometimes look like fool while trying to be awesome than not to try at all.

But I must say that I am also happy that I kept the teaching to two days a week because that were two exhausting but also giving days where I at least learned just as much as I tried to give to them. So I am in a way happy that I don’t do this full time.

 

Come on everyone. It’s time to do a happy dance

 

 

 

 

Wah She Is Alive!

Yes I am alive! I have just been crazy busy and my muse aka S… went to pay homage to IKEA’s holy temple in Sweden, while I am now on my annual teaching gig.

Like in the previous 2 (or is it 3 now?) years then I am back to talk, and sometimes teach, about Journalism in Asia and how to avoid getting arrested, or beat up, while operating in an Asian country to future journalists.

This year I am actually enjoying it greatly and think it is because I have found a form that fits me well and also because I actually have been given time to do it properly this year so I don’t have to force feed the students with a crazy amount of information in a very short period of time.

This time I even have time to tell jokes and sound smart (or act like it).

So I like it – even told S… that I loved it, and greatly enjoy it so much that I could see myself do this more often, than the two months that I am doing this year.

Maybe this lesbian here enjoy it because she knows there is a time limit and that she don’t have to do it all year long (yes, yes she had begun to talk about herself in 3rd person again).

Anyway, as it is, I did piss off my boss as well so at the same time I am, unlike the previous years forced to work full time at my daytime job – as sort of a perverse punishment and catch up on missed hours where I am teaching along the week and weekends.

Actually I would like to do something targeted journalists and people in the media in Singapore on how to shoot, conduct interviews and edit video’s because my face cringes every time I watch a video that is supposed to have been produced by a Singaporean journalist or media professional at the “established media”. I mean, quite often the sound are horrible, post production and editing are outrageous and I wonder if they have ever been taught simple white balancing and color grading techniques, but also how they could instruct and help the people they interview on how to pose and dress themselves, so they as reporters can create content that are interesting to view and experience.

Or at least just do something that don’t make me want to gouge my eyes out while I watch them – yes I accidentally got to see videos from RazorTV among other.

I am not gone, I have not given up on the blog either. But I have just been through a period with little time and where I didn’t know if it still is worth it for me to continue this blog any longer. I will continue, just don’t really know how often I will be updating it and in what futuere format it will be in. I am still experimenting with if I should move over to a video blog instead – but it won’t be as often as I initially planned to in the beginning of this year.

But thanks for reading and thanks for following!

The first weekend of 2016 and I used it to clean up my home

Last weekend were a success. I cleaned the whole apartment from top top buttom, did piles of laundry (You won’t believe how many machines I did) and it felt great!

I sometimes get the feeling that when I feel depressed, more stressed than usual, or when I at times are more hungry for Ben & Jerry’s than I normally am, then my place will look like shit. Sometimes it just feels like the apartment is an extension of my mental state.

Look at my place and you know how I am feeling.

hm.

Ah, I don’t know if I am that transparent. But it surely feels great.

 

I by the way came into the new year completely overdressed.

My neighbors had invited me to their new year party, and since I didn’t really wanted to go to the local “lesbians only” (plus lots of gay guys ready to be scandalicious) new year party this year, then I decided to say yes.

I found out that I had walked into the “straight people can’t have an uneven number of gays at their party” trap, so I were paired up with someone else who happened to be gay. That part felt a little bit forced. But I did know about her before the party, or I have seen her in places where other lesbians usually roam when they are out looking for a partner or just need something with alcohol while they are having a good time with likeminded friends.

I were by the way also completely overdressed compared to the rest of the party as well. You know in the way like you feel when you realize that you are the only one who arrived in a costume to the company Halloween party, so for a second I thought about popping back in to a pair of jeans and something more comfortable and anonymous compared to the dress that I on.

The party were a no-shoes party as where most of the guests were more or less dressed like they were at a children’s party (including paper hats), and yes there were children too, where most (but not all) were dressed in the “yes I am a parent and need to be ready to clean oatmeal blobs from the strangest places” way, so imagine jeans and comfortable clothes.

I just guess that the memo “dress nicely” sometimes means different things when you are living a single child free life compared to having children around you.

But you know it is more relaxed to not having to run around in heels on at a party that were all about good food, talks about everything from children to baby food, to what in the world dictator xyz is doing to the world.

So hey… I had a blast, I had fun and I enjoyed myself. It just surprised me that I had walked into a children’s new year party, and not an adult party. But still had a very cozy night, and ended up with too much to drink, so I at one time wondered about scaling the fence to my backyard instead of having to deal with trying to open the front door with my keys.

I guess that there were no reason for me to spend that much time on wardrobe-anxiety and eyeliner among other if I have known what kind of party it were. Yes this lesbian still cares about how she looks like and if her fashion bible is (semi) up to date. But in the end I would after all rather be the one who were overdressed than being the only one who showed up in jeans and messy hair.

Right?

 

And A Happy New Year!!

I want to read more about you and your family. Please write more.”

These were the most common words I got when someone who read my blog and emailed me in the past year, and yes… I admit that my troubles with some of my relatives is the perfect tool for dramas that are worth reading about.

But since this now infamous blog post, then I have partially been reluctant to write anything public about my nieces and nephews, and every time I think about something funny about them, that is related to my life, then I get nail biting nervous if I once again anger the Singaporean mob who only read into what they want to read into what I say, from their own narrow perspective.

If you get pissed about what I write, then get pissed at me, and don’t begin to attack my nieces and nephews as they don’t understand anything, and will have a difficult time to defend themselves against a priggish group of adults.

My brother also stepped in and in a very physical way told my uncle and other relatives that if they were attacking me because of my sexuality, then he would be on them like an angry grizzly bear – literally! So even from that side, things have been “relatively” quiet.

When what initially sounded like a good idea turns bad.

When what initially sounded like a good idea turns bad.

Yea, yea. My aunt and uncle DID turn up to the last Pink Dot event in support of their son but at the same time still claimed that it were ME who influenced their son to come out and marry an aussie. Yep I officially got gay mind bending super powers.

He also “accidentally” included me when he mass mailed everyone where he asked to sign the petition against  Adam Lamberts performance as well.

World peace must be build on patience…. and lots of headshaking and eye rolling.

Every day I wonder if a judge really can be allowed to be this biased against a specific group of Singaporeans?? But I guess that this is still the norm in today’s Singapore and will be so for the next years, until a new and more accepting generation can take over and shape the country into what it really needs to be. A country for everyone and not just for an self righteous greedy elite.

Yes, don’t expect that Singapore will be the first Asian country to allow same-sex marriage. But I would love it to be the second.

Thank you very much.

 

In the next year I promise to be a bigger and better person, and will post weekly every Wednesday.

Or I will try, okay!

52 blog posts (yes,  Google told me there are 52 wednesdays in 2016) should be possible for me and I will try to include more dramas. I guess not all will be exciting but compared to the last year I will try to post them in a regular fashion.

I am still considering if I should make this into a video blog (I were asked about it a few times). But I like the written word and think that words are cozy.

Besides I began to write this blog because I personally and very physically needed it and not because I needed your attention.

I had some things that I needed to painfully write out of my body because, keeping them inside myself were slowly killing me. So no I didn’t write it for you to read them but because I need to get rid of them and the only way I knew how to do that were to write my thoughts and frustrations out.

Yes, that also meant that some of my posts were written and posted in heaps of tears.

I am still hoping that enough Singaporean same-sex female couples will come forward as I still would like to make a documentary about Singaporean female same sex families, how it is to live in Singapore, and how to cope with dreams and hopes for the future. Unfortunately the last time I tried, then it were primarily expat couples who were okay with it, and I felt that that would send the wrong message in a way.

I wonder if 2016 is the year where a lesbian web series will be made in Singapore? I mean, could we just for once be one step ahead of the boys?

Take a look at “Starting From… Now!” Why haven’t anyone made the Singaporean version of it yet??!  And… honestly all it takes is a good story and the good and happy stories do live in Singapore too. Any of these webseries could have been made in Singapore. Actually… Every series on Tello Films could have been made in Singapore – and done better!

 

Wish you all a Happy New Year (even if you don’t “agree” with my sexuality), and hope your dreams will come true in the year to come.

Hugs to you all!