Yesterday were a horrible day to get through for me.
The day literally began when I took my brothers and sisters kids in to see probably the worst movie in the universe, The Angry Birds Movie.
Quite a lot could be said about that movie but when they across all ages either by facial expression or flat out said that they would have preferred a trip to McDonalds and the game to their tablets instead of the movie, then I knew that this would not be the day that my nephews and nieces would fondly remember with me – their awesome aunt.
Not something that I wanted to keep as a happy memory either.
This would be more like a “note to self day”
When I came back home, after having dropped off the little monster at where they now belong, then a even more horrifying news were brought to my attention.
More than 50 people dead, and 53 people wounded in a gay club in Orlando, Florida.
I had felt the phone buzz while I were in the cinema and didn’t take it out to look at all the messages before I came home. So coming home to see the breaking news across all news channels, tweets and emails that asked if I knew anything or knew anyone in that area that might have been to Pulse, the nightclub where the gunman shot and killed so many people, were incredibly shocking.
I could not let go of the news. I needed to find out more. Who did it? Why did that crazy person attack so many people? Why did he attack someone who haven’t done any harm to him? Why did he attack a gay bar???!
I could not help feeling a lot of sadness, but quite a lot of anger that made feel that I wanted to troll someone HARD. I wanted to vent my anger and frustrations after someone else. I felt like I wanted to scream at someone.
But I also felt fear.
I can take that people don’t agree with me. Many don’t, so that is just more of my normal.
But that someone wants to kill me just because I according to them love the wrong person. That is just wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong!!
To me the LGBT movement is not about exclusion. That is all about inclusion and acceptance. Acceptance to love another adult person, acceptance across color, race, religion….and… sexuality. Especially sexuality.
I don’t hate heterosexual’s. In face most of my friends and colleagues are straight – or straight-ish and that does not make them better or worse people than me. That just makes them what they are just like I am what I am regardless about whoever I am now kissing, or share the bed with at the end of the day.
So that someone could end up hating me, that someone can hate someone so much, just because that person loves someone of their own gender. To hate someone they have never met or never exchanged a word with. That is just too stunning
“You are gay and you must die now” (evil laughter I guess)
This is what that person were thinking. This is what others are thinking about me, about others like me.
I thought about all that through the evening and night. I wanted answers. So in the middle of the xyz night, I ended up opening the facebook page “We are against Pink Dot in Singapore”. Mainly because I wanted to scream at someone – or at least troll them and post pictures of gay porn on their page.
I looked at page after page of vile and shit that where shared and thrown after people like me on these pages.
But instead of feeling angry at all these people I ended up feeling sorry for them. Sorry for them, because it is clear that none of them – or actually very few of them have a gay friend. They don’t know what it is to be carrying this “secret” or being gay. They don’t know that they statistically have at least one gay or bi relative. They don’t know that they might be talking about their good friend or colleague. They don’t realize it.
The only these people see is people who are not like them. They see something strange that they don’t understand and in the end fear. All these posts, all that hate, all that disgust. Everything is fear of the unknown. Fear of what they don’t understand. Fear of something that they don’t get. But it is also fear of exclusion. That there are something that they in their own loneliness and solitude can’t be a part of.
To them the Pink Dot is like a red cloth, a symbol of all their fears combined.
So I ended up pitying them instead.
The post should then have ended now. But there are always someone who is going to take one more step further than the rest. In the gay community there are always someone who are gayer than the rest. You will always see one diva or drama queen who top them all, a butch who can’t be butch enough, or the femme princess who can’t live without her branded goods just so she can show that she can be a good gold star lesbian and still be fashionable.
But in a group who preach hate and exclusion where do they go next? The next step for them is not love. It’s not inclusion. The next step for them is violence, and that is exactly what happened next.
This guy. This.. I don’t really know if I should give him the pleasure of saying his name. But this guy then end up preaching to kill everyone at Pink Dot – on the same day that more than 50 people got killed in a gay club in the United States even.
This guy is not some random person who only work in a random non violent service job. No this is a person who in the past have had military training and aparently did very well. Is a reserve officer and through the Singapore police have easy access to weapons. This is a person who have been trained in killing other people, and this person knowingly and very publicly state that he wants to kill people like me.
To me that is more scary that anything else because this is a sign that we won’t be safe in Singapore and I wonder if the Singaporean government, MY OWN government, will protect us from someone like that.
Note (June 14th, 2016)
The Singapore Police media contact reached out to highlight that the person is not a Police National Serviceman although he have been depicted in uniform on several occasions.
You can read their full public statement on their Facebook page here.