As the self established go-to lesbian guru of all things Singaporean lesbian, I were back in July (might have been June) contacted by a student from Monsters Under The Bed (www.mutb.com.sg) who were writing an essay about homosexuality and asked me if I could help her with the following questions:
1. Have you heard about the legalization of gay marriage in United States? If so, what are you opinions on it?
2. What do you think the consequences are of the legalization of gay marriage in the States / how have people reacted to it?
3. What are the advantages / disadvantages of legalizing gay marriage?
4. Why do you think there isn’t any country in Asia that has legalized gay marriage? Do you think they should?
5. If the Singapore government legalized gay marriage, what do you think the consequences would be?
6. Would you recommend the legalization of gay marriage in Singapore? Why or why not?
How would you answer them?
I have to admit that when I first got the email, I wondered if it were genuine and serious. Even S… said that this might be a scam of some sort but I looked into it, and yes sure there were a school called Monsters Under The Bed, and yes, the teacher who were CC on the email were real enough too, so I replied to them both that I would be more than happy to help and that she could ask me about everything and anything that she needed answers to.
While communicating with her, I realized that I never really thought much about who read my blog. How old my readers were and who they are. I mean the genuine ones that didn’t find my blog after googling for “Naked lesbian panties Singapore”, or something much worse than that.
I am really amazed about what people Google for and guess that I somehow have been sheltering myself from the sick things that people use the internet for.
But after communicating with her and a few others who have written me over the last months, then I came to the realization that many of my readers are 14-17 years old and are having troubles getting information about their sexuality when they genuinely are looking for answers, because the world around them is not able to or willing to help them when they have questions about homosexuality and why they have strong romantic feelings for someone of their own sex.
In the last month I got two more emails from young Singaporeans who are confused about their sexuality or is quite certain about their sexuality but is scared that their relatives and peers are going to find out about them.
I get about 2 to 3 emails a month from girls or women who are in the closet and are reaching out for contact because they need someone to share their feelings with. To most outsiders this might not be many, but it is unfortunately only a single drop in the large sea of closeted women in Singapore, who is scared to reveal their feelings and sexuality to anyone, and today I got yet another one.
They all tell the same story.
They are scared or confused and they have no one to really share their feelings with. But they all long for someone to share and connect with.
To tell them what to do, to help and guide them with their questions. Most of them just need to hear that it is more than okay to have these feelings, and that there is nothing wrong with them.
It makes me sad and it also makes me angry that it is not possible for them to go to the people that they love and trust when they have questions like this, and I want to give everyone a big hug and say that it is scary right now, but things will and can be better.
But the reality is that Singapore is just not a nice place to realize that you are gay and different from those around you. The government is not interested to deal with it. The school system is not equipped to deal with it. The teachers – or most of them freak out if a student try to reach out to them because they need help to deal with their emotions. A few, very few teachers give these children the support they need, but while doing so, they risk their career and could end up on the chopping block for being a decent human being. The religious community in Singapore not only freak out, they will most likely try to do an exorcism on those who reach out for help, and then they will out them and freak out some more.
And Singapore is a country where religion are strong and have too much to say in general.
The social system in Singapore is horrible when it comes to helping young adults who have questions about their sexuality and emotions.
But every month someone new reach out and ask a stranger on the internet for advice on how to deal with life because they are gay and can’t tell anyone close to them about it.
Girls, ladies, women. Remember you are NOT alone in life. You are not alone in Singapore, and you all deserve a big, big hug.