I admit. I am still in the closet.

If there is one thing that I am still in the closet about, then it is that I like to play computer games!

Of all things in life, then this is one of those that I really don’t like to mention or admit that I do. Well unless someone drag it out of me, or ask me why there is a controller hidden under my coffee table.

Yes, I like to play games – Once in a while.

It is not that as soon as I get home from work, that it then turn on the Xbox and begin to shoot some aliens. Not that often anyway.

But what is there about it that I don’t really feel that I can be open about it?

I mean if I look at the statistics, then I am in the middle of the demographics.

40% of gamers is women (source from ISFE) – so yes that means that there is a very high chance that the one who just killed you in Call Of Duty could in fact have been a woman. Hah!

I am by the way an horrible Call Of Duty player myself and usually die before I get to look around, or when I stopped running because I wanted to look at the nicely done buildings and scenery. Not something that is advisable to do if you want to win in it.

1 out of 5 women play console games (source from ISFE). So what is there to feel ashamed or shy about?

I play a lot of games with my nieces and nephews when they are here or when I visit the family. Yes, I actually think Hayday or Subway Surfers are just as good computer games as large budget titles that you can get to the consoles are. So as long as they are engaged with them then I am going to have an interest in what it is they are playing and try to engage them in their own environments.

Something that I feel is a lot of fun, and I can see that they equally think it is kind a cool that their (maybe rather odd, but still cool) aunt don’t mind playing game with them.

As I said I am not really that good an Call Of Duty player, first person shooter games is not really my favourite. I can play them, but I don’t react fast enough to be a challenge to many. Besides I tend to get sidetracked when I begin to look at the designs and the fantastic art there are in many games.

I prefer games where I get to think about what to do. So I like games like Civilization, XCom Enemy Unknown and so on and were a massive fan of Diablo 2 that I played and still occasionally play with my Nephews and Nieces. Baldurs Gate, and the others in that series, and play SIMS with the nieces as well – and they can really go on and on about that game if I let them talk about it for too long.

The boys are now more into GTA, where I try to not answer my 6 yr old nephews questions about strip bars in that game….. I tell you that boy surely is going to have a breast fetish when he grows up.

Well, like father, like son so nothing surprising about that.

But it is really fun and entertaining to see how they interact with these games.

I have for the last months been deep into Alien Isolation and holy crap that game scared me so much that I could only play for maybe 10-15 minutes at a time where I practically stayed under the same table in the game for the whole duration that day, while the Alien kept stomping around the medical centre, until I turned off the game again because I couldn’t take it any longer.

First and only game that I had to play with practically a pillow in front of my face.

I finally completed the game and is going to play it again soon – or one day.

Loved the game.  Hated the ending.

Ever since I for the first time watched Alien at an way, way, way too young age, then I have been a massive fan about the series – just ask my 3 cats. Ripley, Newt and Jonesy about that.

No I don’t have any cats any longer. 2 died of old age and one were drowned by an neighbour, that crazy dick. So it’s been some years since I had cats now.

Ya ya I thought I were oh so original but later realized that several others have had the same ideas about cat names as me.

Big fan of the Alien universe – and kickass Ripley.

Sigourney Weaver is for more than one reason an amazing icon to me.

So being able to play a game that were that deep and detailed about the Alien universe were an amazing experience to me, and I would have loved to just run around and press buttons and look at all the details that reminded me about the future seen from an 1980’s design style.

By the way. One day I am going to jump out of the closet in Alien Isolation, stomp hard on the Aliens tail and then jump into the closet to hide again. Just to see what is going to happen – but I guess I already know that.

But, besides that horrible game, then I usually prefer games that I can pause and have time to think about what to do next and strategize about. This is the games I like to play. First person shooter games where you have to be super on all the time is not really my cup of tea and with these I very much prefer to sit and see others play, compared to being the one who is engrossed in the games – in that way I will have time to study the amazing environments and graphics much better too.

But for all there is too it, then I am actually emotionally an closeted computer player, and not something that I openly admit to others that I do or “once in a while” like to do.

Or, if my co-workers ask me why I look so tired? Then my answer more often will be “Oh I read a book and time got away from me.”, instead of admitting that I might have spend a few hours playing a game before going to bed the day before.


(originally written as a commission piece)


13 Thoughts Only Lesbians Will Understand – said by a German!

Do you know how hard it is NOT to make any lists on my own?

But thanks to the internet then I don’t really have to, I just link to someone else who stole my thoughts or simply said the same that I wanted to say but came up with them earlier than I did.

When I started this blog, I made a rule that I did not want to make any lists whatsoever and post them here on my blog.

It is a really, really difficult rule to follow because I make lists (besides shopping lists) in my head all the time! – and some of them actually should have been on this blog. You know lists like “Top 10 women I have seen today who should be gay.” and so on.

Anyway, my most recent follower, is a German (ironic Italics) Barcelonian (I firmly believe that is a word) who once in a while make YouTube videos, and she made this list that everyone can relate to.

Okay, I really object to the one about male teenagers, but else…

See for yourself.

By the way. I only got ONE flannel shirt in my closet, and haven’t used it in ages.

Speaking of German, I once had some really interesting talks with a German woman whom I meet on OKCupid (yes I had a profile there..), and she told me that Munich did not have any lesbian cafes or clubs and she didn’t think there really were any in Germany?? Huh? How can that be?? Is that true?


“OMG. Please tell me that your sister is gay too! “

Do you also have one of these friends? You meet her at the local xyz gay bar talk a few times and find out that you could have been besties in a previous life, but only really get to talk when you bump into each other once in a blue moon when you are in the same country and city?

Well I got one of these, she send me a message and I reply days later – or the other way around.

Yesterday she send me this message “OMG. Please tell me that your sister is gay too! ”

Turned out that she had seen her and my sister in law picking strawberries together some days ago at a pick and eat your own strawberries until you die farm and decided that the two of them looked awful gay together. Yesterday when she saw me with them, then that only reinforced that idea and had to ask me if I knew them well?

Something that I by the way confirmed.

“Yes I know them quite well and one of them is my sister.”

” Is she les too? are they a couple? Please let me know if she is single. You have to introduce me!!”

“No she is NOT gay and the other one is my sister in law. So don’t hit on them.”


So I thought about that.

What if my sister turned gay?

No… I really didn’t like that idea one bit.

I really didn’t.. .

Not that I wouldn’t be supporting and everything that would be needed if she really came out. But I also felt, grrr, about it. Being gay is mine! and having my sister who is getting close to her 50’s coming out and have this (and others) early 30’s friend go gaga over her, then welcome to my teenage years all over again!!

Cue my inner green monster.

Yes in my early teens, some parts of me hated my more than 10 years older miss perfect sister, when I battled with braces, pimples and massive insecurity, so I can just imagine her moving in on what I think of “mine”.

Besides I can just imagine my brothers facial wtf expression when he learned about that and then he would probably immediately after laugh his ass off while he reminded me that it would solely be my task to explain that to the relatives in Singapore and how I could have spread my “infection” to the princess of stability and so-called pride of the family.

My sister is the epiphany of “can do no bad” with several remote family members, and with children, a “good” husband (good is that he got a stable job, and can make her pregnant) and a finance-ish finance job, then even her short run- away-to-Hong-Kong-to-try-modeling in her early 20ish is forgiven and forgotten.

Well, there is also the point of that my gaydar would have completely failed when it came to my sister because she from my point, is seen as the straightest person ever. Period. And I am not just saying that because I want her to stay like that.

It’s just. “Well girlfriends… you know what? My sister just came out and I didn’t know anything about it before now.”


No, I couldn’t have that my gaydar got reflected and fooled by the highnesses shininess. I actually think that would be worse to my ego. It would even be worse than the thought of her running away with someone that I knew well.

Anyway no, I am quite sure that I would know if she were. At least I would have picked up on the subtle hints if there were any.

Okay, I have had the suspicion that my sister and her hubby is not that vanilla as everyone want them to believe, but there are after all some things that I in my own so-called lesbian life can’t overlook.

No matter how blur I can be – and at times am.


Amy just wrote a childrens book about same-sex wedding, and it is amazing!

I were (secretly) just allowed to skim through a few pages of Amy Chungs new children book “Wishful Wedding”, and it is simply amazing!

Malaysian born Amy Chung, just released her 3rd book, and this time it is an illustrated book about a girl and her two daddies, and why they are feeling sad.

“Papa’s sister is getting married today! Daddy and I get ready, a flower girl I am. We witness in delight and giggle with glee but deep down in our hearts, we’re sad you see? When will my fathers be able to wed? I can only hope for change, in the future ahead.”

Equality had always been a part of Amy’s own personal beliefs and were often frustrated when confronted by exasperating homophobic news in the public media and general public. Amy’s literary focus is among other towards children of same gender families and how difficult it must be growing up in a society and community where it is not often understood and sometimes still considered a stigma to grow up with same-sex parents.

More importantly she believes that the world need more LGBTQ literature for younger children so they know no different and that they will grow up in a world where diverse family units just simply exist, and she long for the day when the world don’t have to associate pride with the words “tolerance” and “acceptance”.

“We need more exposure and education in our schools, libraries and media. Our children can pave the way for the future.” she said.

And I can only agree with her on that – and is not only a strong hint to Singapores National Library Board, who I feel should be gifted a few copies of the book…


It took only Amy a few hours to write the story – but several months of agony to rewrite and edit it into the book you today can get. She didn’t feel it were any easier to sit down and write her third book, but not more challenging either.

“The greatest challenge writing a book is doubting yourself and your writing.  So you re-write and work on the manuscript over and over again until you lose the original intent.”

The 32 pages book were Illustrated by multiple award winner, Paula Bossio, who outdid herself with these amazing illustrations that she did for the book, and even if you for personal beliefs do not (shame on you) belive in same-sex weddings and partnerships, then you should get this book just for the cute illustrations.

Wishful Wedding can be found on Amazon and selcted other stores and is suitable for children ages 3-6 years, and adults with a youthful mindset

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A Wishful Wedding is part of A Pocketful of Pride and is a series within the Pigeonhole Books collection that features stories about children from families with same-sex parents. .You can read more about Amy and her other books here or stalk her on GoodReads here

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Turkish police attack Istanbul gay pride with tear gas and rubber bullets

Vice News just posted a must see video from Istanbuls gay pride that were held last weekend.

Istanbuls pride have been held without any brutality from the police for the last 13 years, but this year the police needed to catch up on something and went crazy.

See the video above.

Huffington Post wrote about it too.


Meeting women in usable professions

It is just this time again!

So busy with my daytime work that I haven’t had time to finish a single blog post. Yes! that busy!

To my defense I have been out to see and meet some really interesting people. First, last week I (in connection to my job) met a woman who is building her own house.

Secondly, my Doctor came with the news that I had to take a break from my obsessive (that was what I was told!) running, that I had to gain (a lot more) weight and that it would be adviceable to go on a hormone therapy if I wanted to get pregnant this year or in the near future.

My immediate concern were, “Shit. I have to stop running!”? How do I handle that??! I mean, usually when I haven’t run for a few days I get irritable and beging to crawl on the walls, so how would I ever handle that?? And how would anyone around me be able to handle being near me in that period??

I am sure that I would alienate everyone that I love and like, if I can’t be allowed to run as much as I like to.


But back to building Her – Own – House!!

From scratch that is.

And her husband is taking care of the kids while she is (slowly) doing their place.

That is something that I find really amazing. And no, she is not gay and not living in or around Singapore so I shouldn’t really be blogging about her here. Since I partially (mostly) grew up in Singapore then I have for most of my life been sheltered from women who did anything in carpentry, electricity or any other handy-man-woman jobs. Unless it could be related to an artistic job of some sort.

So meeting a woman who jump into doing her own house is rather a mouth gaping exciting to me.

And yes, when I am in Netherlands I do get to meet women in the local mini-mart who are working in these trades – and where I found out that one were gay and kind a cool too.

Since meeting her I have expanded my extended circle of people that know how to do these kind of things. I have met women who work as electricians, bricklayers (I think it is called) and other women in the handicraft circle of professions. All women that I on some level admire because my own skills in these areas are absolutely horrible. Well, yes, I do master the art of building Lego houses for my nieces and nephews, but this is where it stops for me.

Real useable trades like those I mentioned would be impossible for me to take up and do. Well, yes, yes, I know how to drill a hole in a wall, and yes I know how to change a plug or the connector to my lamp so I am not 100% hopeless. But I still have to stop myself in pretending in taking a selfie with the frozen chicken in the butcher department in the mini-mart, when what I really want is to take one of the hottie who just by looking at her work clothes is clearly proficient in painting my walls (yes yes I can actually do that myself too!!) or re-electrify my apartment, or well.. I am sure that you know what I mean. I guess it is just my Asian genes that just demands me to take pictures of anything and anyone that I find interesting and out of the norm that I grew up in.


Do you know of any Singaporean women who is working in these trades? I want to meet them so I can talk to them. No… not so I can hit on them, but to know that there are actual Singaporean women who is working in these professions and that we are not all that hopeless (like myself) with it comes equality in the workforce. So message me if you know of any.

Okay back to stressing about that I have to stop running as much as I like…..