“Oh, but I am lesbian, so I can’t have long nails.”

Sometimes I wish I could take back my attempts at gay humor when talking to what I know is straight people.

I was invited  – or rather I was volunteered to be invited – to a small fashion show a week ago, at a local designer who were to showcase their collection of non functional evening clothes. Well, if you happen to be one of those who don’t mind having your breasts and almost everything else on public display, then I guess it were functional and just your thing.

But I am sure it is not something that you use for the first date, or jump into when you need to do some instant shopping at the local mini-mart.

Anyway, I am sure you know what I mean.

It seems like designers make one collection to get people to come and see what they can make – and then have a folder that they discreetly hand over of what it is they really is interested to sell you.

Or it could be that even when I know my day to day fashion ABC, am on rather unknown land when it comes to the world behind fashion and fashion branding.

But at the event, that actually were interesting and where we – the so-called “invited” – could mingle and talk to the models and designers about the work that have been created for the day – and of course to the PR company who arranged it all. And plenty of alcohol and manicure opportunities among other.

Yes, you read it right.

So if you wanted a manicure, then you could get one too while sipping something with bubbles in it. I know what it is, the name of it just slipped my mind (and I am too lazy to look it up now). Pink, bubbles, taste of strawberry and is sweet.

It’s not often these days that I paint my nails when going to work, or when going out. Most of the time I stick with a clear base coat and that is that. The colored nail polish that I admittedly have at home mostly take up space in the top drawer in the fridge. You know for the day when I really need to impress a serious date, or attend a posh event of some sort.

A manicure and get your nails painted by a professional didn’t sound that bad when I were there and now were asked if I wanted to try.

So up in the chair, feet up and relax while someone else were pampering my hands. Not a bad assignment after all. Especially when I haven’t had anything done in ages now.

While she put a nice dark red color on my nails we obviously talked about this and that. Mostly about cuticle and such. She nicely in a professional voice mentioned that I had very gorgeous hands, but that I shouldn’t cut my nails so short and that it would be more fitting for my hands and fingers if they were a little longer.

I then answered her in a part attempt of a joke “Oh, but I am lesbian, so I can’t have long nails.”.

She at that point were so (un)lucky to have my hand in hers, half kneeling in front of me while I were sitting in a chair looking down at her, realized that I were looking into her eyes with half a cooky smile. She obviously didn’t expected an answer like that at all and I guess expected that I would have confirmed her in what she said, looked down, only to realize that instead of looking at my face and eyes, looked at *hm* something else, so she hurried looked away at something else – anything else(!!) than me, while I could see her face turn red.

The last 5 minutes of that manicure were rather awkward – and silent.

I always thought it was a funny little icebreaker with such a gay joke. But I have recently become aware that it can be worthwhile to get a feeling of the audience. It is not everyone who can take gay jokes – LGBT supporters or not. In fact, it can go in two directions, both who are equal unbearable. Either they completely shut down – like the nail lady. Or alternatively they jump onto the joke and turn it so much around that I end up embarrassed instead.

I like it when people politely laugh at my jokes and then talk about something else, right?…


One thought on ““Oh, but I am lesbian, so I can’t have long nails.”

  1. lol. ohh i’ve learnt the hard way, gay humor for straight people is only applicable to your close friends.
    tried it at a lecture once, many years ago and the silence was deadly…

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