From crewcut Barbie Doll to “Am I lesbian” – a completely unstructured post

I had a funny conversation over lunch at the office today. Yes OFFICE on a Saturday. I am in the penalty box because I did something that went against what my employer thought was okay, so I am now and for a while on the top list for crap assignments.

Anyway, I got a new colleague a few weeks back. Doe eyed 25 year old, who just finished her internship and who are so scared of me. Oh yes and while I was away someone told her that the last one who worked at the desk where she is now working from, very near me, got out of the closet, dumped her long time boyfriend, began to date my ex and moved to Sweden. So it’s official. I got a reputation at work now.

Not really sure if that is a bad or good one?

So I am intimidating her.

“Who me?”, “But I am so nice!”

And I even brought cake with me to work this morning.


But she was not there and we needed someone to gossip about. So she became the topic of interest and how spoiled and somehow naive she was. Very, very sweet and nice. In a cuddly poodle puppie kind of way. And Spoiled!

Fact number one! Her parents had a pool!

…. But did she have one of these remote controlled Barbie cars when she was younger? Another colleague asked.

She didn’t have that one – as far as anybody near our table knew. I remember that was the ultimate status symbol among my friends as a child. Oh and then how many Barbie dolls you had. The larger the collection you had, the easier you could be the princess. I never had many. Maybe 5 or 6. My parents were one of those who believed in chores and earning my keep as a servant, who among other had to do her own room for the monthly allowances. Such a hard life!

I cut the hair of one of my dolls to have a man. I didn’t have a Ken doll, and my little doll society would have broken down without some sort of masculinity there.

As I told my colleagues about that, then I pondered about that if that might have been the first seed to homosexuality for me? You know, no nuclear doll family was the sure first steps to homosexuality?? And maybe even why I have such a fascination about broad shouldered, crewcut feminine lesbians.

Yes, I can just imagine the future Mattel commercials. “Get all the dolls or your child will be gay!”.

Okay maybe not PC after all.

But who am I kidding. I recall that at 16 almost all my Barbie Dolls either had a mohawk or a crewcut. All except ONE.

Last weekend was dedicated to the Easter feast, and else the rest of this week have been dedicated to trying to remember my password for Netflix. Since S.. mentioned Netflix I have been wondering about what my password was for it. I pay for it, but don’t use it much at all.

But else I have in the past week been replying to emails from strange women – no, not strange as in odd, but as I don’t know them at all – that if I might think they are gay. I like getting emails like that. Not just only for connecting with others, but it is just nice to hear from others and that they might think that I can help them with their sexuality. But honestly all I really can say is “Try it out” and you will know shortly – or the day after.

I knew what was right after my first real passionate womanly kiss. That I might never forget by the way.

So try it out and if it feels oh so wrong, then I guess that you are not on team L and then back to the penis for you. Nothing wrong with that by the way.

Gosh, I can’t even write the word “penis” without it makes me feel wrong.




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