My home is now finally complete

My sometimes straight friend wrote me earlier today.

No, I am not sure how “sometimes” fit in, but when I asked, his definition was that he was straight most of the time, with the exception of a weekend here and there – or a holiday with someone hot.

I would call that bi. But who I am to judge??

He like I had spend the day at a flee market, and it sounds like that if you want to attract lesbians and gay (or sometimes gay) men in Scandinavia, then don’t arrange a party, arrange a flea market where it is possible to buy something old, something new and maybe even something blue, and we will be flocking there like bees to honey.

And oh, how true that is. I mean I spend quite a lot of hours at one myself today – and thank you stall holders for not accepting creditcards, so all I came home with was a few new things that I don’t really need, but so much wanted when I found them.

Like a cute 2 layer cake stand that looks like it survived the German invasion and was in dire need for a lot of love from someone like me. So for 4EUR It won my heart.

By the way it’s called “taart standaard” in Dutch.

I always wanted one of those, but never really got around to get one, so now, FINALLY I have a proper home with a cake stand.

All I need now is cakes.

But somehow I imagine that people, friends, neighbors and strangers, will gladly give me their cakes or bring someone over when they learn that I got a cake stand, but no cakes.

 

 

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From crewcut Barbie Doll to “Am I lesbian” – a completely unstructured post

I had a funny conversation over lunch at the office today. Yes OFFICE on a Saturday. I am in the penalty box because I did something that went against what my employer thought was okay, so I am now and for a while on the top list for crap assignments.

Anyway, I got a new colleague a few weeks back. Doe eyed 25 year old, who just finished her internship and who are so scared of me. Oh yes and while I was away someone told her that the last one who worked at the desk where she is now working from, very near me, got out of the closet, dumped her long time boyfriend, began to date my ex and moved to Sweden. So it’s official. I got a reputation at work now.

Not really sure if that is a bad or good one?

So I am intimidating her.

“Who me?”, “But I am so nice!”

And I even brought cake with me to work this morning.

Hm.

But she was not there and we needed someone to gossip about. So she became the topic of interest and how spoiled and somehow naive she was. Very, very sweet and nice. In a cuddly poodle puppie kind of way. And Spoiled!

Fact number one! Her parents had a pool!

…. But did she have one of these remote controlled Barbie cars when she was younger? Another colleague asked.

She didn’t have that one – as far as anybody near our table knew. I remember that was the ultimate status symbol among my friends as a child. Oh and then how many Barbie dolls you had. The larger the collection you had, the easier you could be the princess. I never had many. Maybe 5 or 6. My parents were one of those who believed in chores and earning my keep as a servant, who among other had to do her own room for the monthly allowances. Such a hard life!

I cut the hair of one of my dolls to have a man. I didn’t have a Ken doll, and my little doll society would have broken down without some sort of masculinity there.

As I told my colleagues about that, then I pondered about that if that might have been the first seed to homosexuality for me? You know, no nuclear doll family was the sure first steps to homosexuality?? And maybe even why I have such a fascination about broad shouldered, crewcut feminine lesbians.

Yes, I can just imagine the future Mattel commercials. “Get all the dolls or your child will be gay!”.

Okay maybe not PC after all.

But who am I kidding. I recall that at 16 almost all my Barbie Dolls either had a mohawk or a crewcut. All except ONE.

Last weekend was dedicated to the Easter feast, and else the rest of this week have been dedicated to trying to remember my password for Netflix. Since S.. mentioned Netflix I have been wondering about what my password was for it. I pay for it, but don’t use it much at all.

But else I have in the past week been replying to emails from strange women – no, not strange as in odd, but as I don’t know them at all – that if I might think they are gay. I like getting emails like that. Not just only for connecting with others, but it is just nice to hear from others and that they might think that I can help them with their sexuality. But honestly all I really can say is “Try it out” and you will know shortly – or the day after.

I knew what was right after my first real passionate womanly kiss. That I might never forget by the way.

So try it out and if it feels oh so wrong, then I guess that you are not on team L and then back to the penis for you. Nothing wrong with that by the way.

Gosh, I can’t even write the word “penis” without it makes me feel wrong.

 

 

And if you havent noticed it. Then

Easter is over, and so is my family trip to ulu-far-out-close-to-the-French-border-in-the-cheap-part-of-town-where-rednecks-breed, if you could say that.

But yes, I spend my Easter on such an unlesbian thing as a family trip with members of the family from dad’s side, and it is remarkable how different my Dutch and Singaporean family is, when it comes to homosexuality.

If you have followed my blog, just a little bit, then you would know the issues that I have with family members on moms side of town. But, yes, I know that I haven’t really spoken much about the other guys.

And not really about my dad either.

Well, I had fun – and some serious talks as well, but it is refreshing to be with people who is more concerned about income taxes and how to avoid peeling potatoes for 20+ people, than well, my sexuality.

Or like my uncle said “Lesbian! hah, look at what I have to pay in back taxes, then you will have something to complain about”.

Sure questions came up when some had too much to drink, but it was still Easterly questions like. “Do lesbians like Jesus?”, “Can lesbians be Christians?”, “What do lesbians think about Jesus getting nailed to the Cross – is nailed a gay thing?”, or my favorite “What is the major difference between kissing a guy and kissing a woman?” – my deadpan I-don’t-know-what-to-say answer to that was “Eh? I don’t have to be concerned about kissing on a sandpaper bearded face?”. Yes, I know! Was that really all that I in a hurry could think about? Apparently quick remarks and comebacks is not my strong side these days.

But I had a good time, and it was good to actually feel happy with the family for once. I mean the extended family.

I am still very dedicated to get this blog thing there to work, so keep up with me – OK! – and I already have more unfinished posts in the drafts folder, that I am working on and even walking around with many more things to say. But maybe I should just transform this into a podcast instead, to see if this works better for me???

Nah. I’ll continue to write here.

 

Ricky Gervais you wonderful man

Ricky

Lol oh yes! Ricky you wonderful man you, sometimes I wish I could creepingly walk over to you and out of the blue hug you.

Should I run 5 kilometer or just eat 5 kilometer of candy?

I am overjoyed to be back in the so-called civilization!

In fact I was so ecstatic, so I immediately went out to hug my showerhead and not only because she got multiple speeds, but that it actually can supply me with endless amounts of transparent water that I don’t feel disgusted about, and don’t smell like a cow just cleaned its mouth in it.

What I don’t understand is that I on my, hmm, what is it now? 10 day trip?? was on a strict “backpacking” diet and actually managed to slightly gain weight???! To me it would be like eating my way through 5 kilometers of candy instead of doing a 5 km uphill run through town?

Either that, or a fashionable dressed Ninja broke in and reset my bathroom scale while I was away.

Hmm, not a bad thought after all – in some way.

Anyway, a mystery that need to be solved after I have slept.

It’s not that I am overly dramatic about my weight, but I did Google “liposuction” in a brief weak moment. You know, just to see what kind of results the Google machine would be suggesting me to think about.

But nothing gay happened on my trip. It was solely a need to complete my personal project, in maybe not a perfect way where I could jump up in the air and say “Yay! nailed it!!”, but in way where I could feel some kind of a closure to it.

So now I feel strangely empty and void of all… okay, most of my inner irritations and frustrations, about being told that I just had to let it go. But it is done, and I feel not only empty, but that I am D-O-N-E and I finally can begin to focus on something completely else in my life.

Or maybe it is just because I am so exhausted that I need to go in an hug my pillow and smell my freshly made bed?

Okay, I promise you, that my next posts will be more gay in their topics – if that is important to you.

 

Nothing new from here, thanks

There is so much that I want to write about, but have lately been swamped with work. Both self-inflicted work-overload and these “life just want to throw everything after me at once” situations.

But I am away on an assignment and is now spending my night on the worst wifi/satphone connection ever on this planet, while I am trying to upload and download emails in a place that is just one star above -5 stars and a “OMG what I am doing here” apartment situation.

I would have loved to write about this woman, who repeatedly contacted me on wordpress – and stalked me a little online just to get in contact with me, so she could meet up with me and… hmm…. well you know personally give me some sort as a thank you for being awesome I guess. But call me blur – yes really, because I didn’t realize that anyone would get that excited about my brief writings.

And she even found my old OKCupid and not-updated-in-ages profile who is horrible long and to some degree embarrassing.

(But there are really only one person on my mind)

Well I would like to write about my big F.U. letter to my boss and employer – and their F.U. reply to me when they learned that I continued my little pet project after I was told to drop it and hand it over to someone else. That by the way was just as precious to me as that ring was to Gollum.

So I might not have a job when I return home in a few days.

Explanation of the word CIS – and why I hate it. Yes, I got more than a few emails asking about what it meant. Something that I am happy about, because then I am not the slowest Lesbian in the world after all.

Oh yes I wanted to write about the White Party in Singapore too, something that I won’t be able to attend this year either.

But as I said, there are simply so much on my desk these days, so the blog is pushed slightly to the side, but not forgotten, as someone asked me about.

And I am still dedicated to it.

Just need a few more hours of personal life at the moment.

Everything is well (or so, so) here and I promise that I will be practicing my blogging next week – about around Wednesday (maybe Thursday), where I will try to post 3 or 4 blog post within minutes. So get excited!