Saturday will be interesting. Well, interesting is not really the right word. But it will be something that can end up defining the word “Interesting” for the relatives on my mom’s side for the next years.
My mom passed away around this time of year and we are going to have an remembrance day, or a memorial day, all depending on how you say it. It was my brothers idea to do this and think it was his way to say that he was sorry for how he acted in the days after her passing. But the 3 of us, me, my sister and brother, have never been stronger together than what we are now, and where he in the past threw me to the wolves, then he is over protective of me today. I believe there is a big thank you to R…. who I know talked some sense into him, even though he deny having any hand in it at all (but I am on to you).
There are almost twice as many relatives who have announced that they will show up than on the day at the funeral of my mom, and even more than those few of my mom’s relatives who borthered to show up to my dad’s funeral. So for this day I have written a speech, two actually. A Green one that would be a nice and polite thank you for showing up, and a Red one that would be a big Fuck You All speech. Unfortunately my siblings have developed some kind of a 3rd eye when it comes to me, so they talked me out of doing anything. I have a blog post with the full Red speech that I wanted to give, but I don’t think that I will post it after all.
Most of my relatives is not coming for the actual service, well, some do come out of respect when my brother asked, some will even come only because of the free food and alcohol, but most will come because they expect some kind of a fight and hopefully a bloodbath between me and a group of my mom’s relatives.
My mom never really accepted my sexuality, well she “did”, then changed her mind, then saw it as my (rather) late teenage rebellion against her, a personal attack on her, an insult to her legacy, then somehow accepted me and finally changed her mind again. Not that any of my girlfriends ever noticed her hostility towards my sexuality or anything – only my frustrations. She was way too polite for that. But she never managed to fully accept me for what I was and now it is too late to get her acceptance. But a small group of relatives has now decided that it is their task to continue this fight in her “memory”.
My dad passed away 6 months before she did, and between that time and her passing, we had some kind of a standstill in our war. 6 months of peace, where she – to a certain degree gave me an acceptance, that more was a kind of a ceasefire in the unending war between expectations, choice of lifestyle and sexuality.
So no one could have been more surprised than when I learned that some of my mom’s relatives, Uncles and Aunts, wanted to fight me after she passed away. You might wonder, “What is there to fight about now?”.
It all comes down to inheritance. Money. Simple as that.
I know that mom’s relatives had planned or expected that they would be more included after my mom’s passing. But what they got was almost equal to a big round O, or at least much less than they expected. I didn’t involve myself in the time after, so it was only my sisters iron fist that ruled and decided how everything should be divided.
With the exception of some personal belongings, then everything more or less got split evenly between the 3 of us. There was a small argument between my brother and sister for a while, but they managed to settle things – my sister found out that my brother got something that turned out to be valued much more than initially expected (charcoal might after all be a diamond to others), where she also felt that I got shortchanged a little too. But as I said, they managed to settle it after a small exchange of wills. Meaning my sister won and bullied my brother.
But there were relatives who felt cheated and then recalled that mom didn’t fully agree with me on “something” and neither did they, now when they thought about it. Especially not now.
So the majority of my relatives is only going to show up because they expect nothing less than an equivalent to a red wedding massacre at moms remembrance.
Oh it’s not going to be fought with knifes or anything like that. Oh, no we are too polite to do it like that (and the Police might object to it too), so we will be using something much, much worse…. lawyers! Sometimes I feel it would be both quicker and more humane to skip the lawyers and just do it the Game of Thrones way.
2 a.m. in the morning and I can’t sleep because of all that crap going on.
Hmm.. You might think that my mom is the worst parent on the face of the planet right now. She was not. We had our disagreements about almost everything in my life and how I decided to live it, and I know that I was the source of many heated arguments between mom and dad too. But most of the time I remember her as an loving and good woman, who only wanted the best for her children, even though one of them didn’t agree with her (must do it my way) plans for them. I remember her as the person she was, and love her just as much as I love my dad and my siblings, and I know that she loved me more than almost anything despite her ways of expressing our disagreements.
Can my relatives win? Not according to my lawyer, but as he said, then there is no 100% in law and if they can find some way, then I might have to fight long and hard to keep my inheritance but that I shouldn’t be too nervous. Since they only contested my inheritance and not everything, then they will have a hard time arguing their case in any court and he wouldn’t expect that it would and could ever come to that (not even in Singapore), and that they might hope or plan for some kind of a settlement in the end.
But I am still angry and humiliated.