My gaydar is completely driven by alcohol

When I get drunk, two things happen :

1) I fall
A successful night out is not complete without abrasions on the knees. I do not recall that I fell so much when I was younger. But I am also in heels now.

2) My gaydar goes crazy – or it just gets stuck on gay.
Everyone is gay.  It’s crazy. And bordering on embarrassing (as opposed to stumble around with abrasions on my knees)

Late in the evening I always find some poor inadvertently hetero girl, like a nice gorgeous one (read: one I could have had the urge to… , if I weren’t in a monogamous relationship, or in a current messed emotional up state, or whatever..). But then I begin to explain to her that she is a lesbian. And notice: I don’t tell her that I think that she is a lesbian, and I don’t ask prying open questions whether she ever thought that she might be lesbian?

No. I tell her that she is a lesbian.

Period.

The delicious lady typically replies politely and politically correct that she has never been with girls, let alone thought about it, but she obviously is not outright dismissive of the possibility that the modern civilized human being that she is.

Or she says, “Arrrrhhj, I don’t believe that I am” To which I reply, “Oh yes you are. It is so obvious.” and so on.

I can be pretty convincing at times and I seem to have initiated a few sexual crises here and there. But what to do for the sake of humanity – right?

Poor things, they get so confused sometimes.

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